Adrian Monk: Just hurry! It's on Harrison Street. Called the Bay City Cafe.
Delivery Guy: You mind telling us what's going on?
Adrian Monk: Gully was right. It's a different city after dark.
Delivery Guy: Who's Gully?
Adrian Monk: He's the guy who stole my wallet. I learned a lot from him. Here's what happened. Nothing I saw was real. It was all a con game. There were three of them. Grifters looking for an easy mark. And they found one. A coin dealer named Jacob Posner. Posner thought he was buying drugs. But it was all a show for his benefit. They wanted Posner to think that he was in serious trouble. They told Posner they could cover it up and make it all go away. For a price. They were all in on it. The drug dealer, the so-called cop, and the waitress, Zena Davis. They only had a few minutes, but it was enough time to clean up all the blood before I got back. Posner thought he was paying them hush money. He gave them dozens of coins. Rare coins, they must've been worth a fortune. He had no idea he'd been conned until later, when we showed up. We mentioned that the dead cop was, in fact, alive and well, and we just had seen him at the train station. Posner realized he'd been conned. He didn't take it very well.
Delivery Guy: That's a hell of a story. I guess I'll be reading all about it tomorrow night. Here we are.

Adrian Monk: Hey, hey!
Delivery Guy: Poindexter?
Adrian Monk: I need a ride. Police emergency.
Delivery Guy: Are you a cop?
Adrian Monk: I'm an ex-cop. It's an ex-police emergency.

Home Shopping Salesperson: [on TV] Next we have this set of porcelain figurines. Can we get a close-up of these? Aren't they exquisite? Now, this is a limited edition, So, once their gone, they're gone. Oh, we have a call! Hi, what is your name and where are you calling from?
Adrian Monk: My name is Adrian. I'm calling from San Francisco.
Home Shopping Salesperson: Hello, Adrian. Welcome to the Shopper's Network. Are you buying these figurines for yourself?
Adrian Monk: Uh, I wonder if you could do me a favor. The panda on the end is a little crooked. If you could just rotate it slightly. About 15 degrees.
Home Shopping Salesperson: The panda? Well, if it's that important to you.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.
Home Shopping Salesperson: Mm-Hmm. Well, Adrian, now that you see them all lined up, would you like to order a set?
Adrian Monk: Mmm, no, I've seen them cheaper all over. I do have a question about the giraffe though. Does his head look symmetrical to you? I mean, look at it.
Home Shopping Salesperson: Brian, who is this guy?
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry, I can't sleep. Help me.
Home Shopping Salesperson: Okay, well, thank you for calling in, sir. These lovely figurines each is hand crafted, but there are only a few hundred left. So... Oh! Here's another call.
Man: [o.s. on TV] It's the same guy.
Home Shopping Salesperson: Don't answer it.