Man: [over radio] Atticus One, this is Gumbo Pot. Thought you'd like to know you're coming up on a plain brown wrapper.
Adrian Monk: Roger that. If we see it, we will stop and pick it up.
Jack Monk: No! "Plain brown wrapper." That's an unmarked police car. He's trying to warn us.
Adrian Monk: Gumbo Pot, this is Atticus One. You're making it harder for the Highway Patrol to enforce the local speed limit. Which isn't very cool. Over.
Man: Jack, who the hell is that?

Julie Teeger: They smell great.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Oh, can I have that one?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you have to wait. They're for the party.
Adrian Monk: Please, just that one, that Christmas tree.
Natalie: No see, then you'll want another one, she'll want one. I didn't make enough.
Adrian Monk: Natalie! Please. Just one cookie. One stupid cookie. I'm beseeching you. I promise I'll never ask for anything else. Please. Please, I gotta have that cookie!
Natalie: Okay, fine. Take the cookie.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. [puts it in the trash] That was a little crooked. What's up with that elf?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the elf is perfect.
Adrian Monk: A little droopy.

Lieutenant Disher: Mr. Monk? I'm, Randy Disher. I work with your son. This is an honor. And a pleasure and a privilege.
Jack Monk: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: I- I don't know. I just thought it was an honor and a pleasure. I could be wrong.