Monk - Natalie Quote #111
Natalie: Are you happy?
Adrian Monk: No.
Natalie: Got your wish.
Adrian Monk: Jimmy Cusack? What? Wait, what? You think I did this?
Natalie: Yeah. I think you did. With your karma! You said you wanted the guy dead.
Adrian Monk: I was joking. It's a figure of speech.
Natalie: Well, Mr. Monk, you need to be careful what you wish for. Because of his death, the union has stopped all negotiations. Nobody's talking. The strike's gonna go on for years. Good job.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Okay, uh, here's the thing, Mr. Mayor. Even if I do find the man who killed Jimmy Cusack, even if the strike ends tomorrow, it's not gonna solve the big problem.
Mayor Ray Nicholson: What problem is that?
Adrian Monk: Your Honor, we have got to... You've got to face facts. The city is ruined forever. It's a total loss. Even if we clean up all the garbage tomorrow, we'll never get the stink out. It's like the dining room carpet when the cat makes a... a B.M. on there. I mean, what do you? You don't have any choice really. You gotta replace the carpet! You gotta- You gotta get rid of the cat. And you can never eat in that dining room again, can you? No, you can't. But, I do have a plan. I have a plan.
Mayor Ray Nicholson: Oh, good.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. It just came to me last night in a vision. One, we evacuate the city. Every man, woman, and child.
Mayor Ray Nicholson: Evacuate?
Adrian Monk: Two! We burn it down We just burn it. Scorched earth. Then, just to be safe, we collect all the ashes. And what do we do? We burn the ashes. Three. We bring everybody back and we start over. Think of it. Just think of it. We rebuild San Francisco. From scratch. Start fresh. Everything clean. Everything brand-new. Gonna have that new city smell. Fresh off the lot. We can even straighten out Lombard Street while we're at it.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Ah, I've done it again. Made the situation worse. [sighs] The union wants the mayor indicted for murder. The mayor's denying everything. And I haven't slept in nine days. [garbage bag drops in the background] It keeps piling up. I always hated garbage. Even when I was a kid. We lived 2.2 miles from the city dump. I used to lie in bed smelling it. Had nightmares all the time. About trash bags. Piling up outside. Higher and higher... Until we couldn't leave the house. We were buried alive. [another bag falls] And now, it's coming true. Dr. Kroger?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, have you been sending me your trash?
Adrian Monk: [chortles] ... No.
Dr. Kroger: See, I've been getting boxes of trash sent to me in the mail.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, really. Now, Adrian, don't deny it. It's all sorted according to color and food groups. It's your handwriting on the label. It's upsetting my wife. It's upsetting my children. And I want it to stop. Adrian, do you hear me? [a flurry of bags drop] I want it to stop!
Adrian Monk: I want it to stop too.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Captain Stottlemeyer: You solved the case?
Adrian Monk: Take a look, take a look, take a little look. This was stapled to a telephone pole that was right in front of us the whole time. He's the guy!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who's the guy?
Lieutenant Disher: Alice Cooper?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you telling us that Alice Cooper, the rock star, killed Jimmy Cusack?
Adrian Monk: First off, I don't think Alice Cooper is his real name. Take a closer look. He is sitting in an antique wingback chair. The same kind of chair Jimmy Cusack was sitting in when he was killed. Check this out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: Check out the date. April 5th. Monday night. Same night as the murder. Coincidence?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, coincidence.
Adrian Monk: Ah, no. No, we were- We were looking at this case all wrong. 'Cause it never was about Cusack. It was never about the garbage strike. And it was never about the Sanitation Union. It was about the chair. The antique chair. The antique wingback Cusack chair! Here's what happened. It is no secret that rock and roll stars collect antiques. Especially antique chairs.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: Alice Cooper must have read about Jimmy Cusack's handcrafted wingback chair. He was consumed with envy! He was consumed with resentment! Alice had to possess the fairest antique wingbackchair in all the land.
Lieutenant Disher: Should I be writing this down?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nope.
Adrian Monk: It's true. Alice Cooper is a hippie. But he's the bad kind of hippie. He's the kind of hippie that breaks into people's offices and beats them up and shoots them in the head. Why? To steal their antique chairs.
Lieutenant Disher: Why didn't he take the chair?
Adrian Monk: Hello! It had a bullet hole in it. It had blood on it. He didn't want it anymore.
Lieutenant Disher: He could have washed it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. I don't think we need to stand here and pick apart the Alice-Cooper-wants an-antique-chair theory.
Adrian Monk: If you will excuse me, I have a city to clean. One bag at a time! One bag at a time. One bag at a time. One bag at a time.
Quote from Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty
Adrian Monk: Your honor I will not be able to serve today unfortunately. For a number of reasons. First off... There's the bathroom situation. I can't share a bathroom. I just can't. You can ask Natalie. Natalie?
Natalie: Yeah, he's persnickety. He's very persnickety. He's persnickety squared.
Quote from Mr. Monk Fights City Hall
Adrian Monk: Do you see a journal anywhere? She supposedly kept a journal. [opens closet] Huh. Looks like she had some roommates. A cheerleader, a French maid. Wait. Oh, you know what? They weren't roommates, Natalie. This is a love nest. That's what it is.
Natalie: You think?
Adrian Monk: This is one of those love nests that you read about.
Natalie: Yeah, but for who? That's the question. Who was she meeting? Oh, my God!
Adrian Monk: What? What is it?
Natalie: Nothing. It's nothing. Mr. Monk, don't open that drawer, you understand? Whatever happens, whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever... ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever open that drawer!
Adrian Monk: What if there's a clue in there? What if it could solve the case?
Natalie: I don't care!
Quote from Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing
Natalie: I am not going anywhere. Look at me. Sorry. Your life is not over. You could still do anything. There've been lots of blind people who have done great and amazing things.
Adrian Monk: Like who?
Natalie: Like Ray Charles. And, um, you know...
Adrian Monk: Yeah?
Natalie: You know, uh, I mean, come on. Uh... Uh... Uh... Mr. Magoo.
Adrian Monk: Who's that?
Natalie: Mr. Magoo? Oh, gosh, he was a great man. Um... an inventor.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Natalie: An entrepreneur, if you will. He did lots of amazing, amazing things.
Adrian Monk: And he was blind?
Natalie: I don't want to talk about Mr. Magoo anymore.
Adrian Monk: Me neither.