Adrian Monk: Your honor, I will not be able to serve today, unfortunately. For a number of reasons. First off... There's the bathroom situation. I can't share a bathroom. I just can't. You can ask Natalie. Natalie?
Natalie: Yeah, he's persnickety. He's very persnickety. He's persnickety squared.

Natalie: Good morning. Picked up your mail. What is going on?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm having fun. I love this stuff.
Natalie: Yeah, so I see.
Adrian Monk: You know, I usually don't like shaking hands, but I ever met the man invented Tupperware, I would shake his hand.
Natalie: I think he might be dead.
Adrian Monk: Well, I would still shake his hand, because he's probably perfectly preserved. All right, look. It's virtually airtight. Look at this.

Adrian Monk: I have two plants at home that are completely dependent on me, your honor.
Judge Rienzo: Plants?
Adrian Monk: I have a fern and a small azalea bush.
Judge Rienzo: And you have an assistant. Can't she water the plants?
Adrian Monk: Good question. Here's the thing. She has a tendency to overwater.
Natalie: Okay, that is not true. That happened once.
Adrian Monk: More than once.
Natalie: It was two ounces.
Adrian Monk: Two ounces to an azalea bush is like a swimming pool.
Natalie: Okay, wait-
Judge Rienzo: Mr. Monk, I have seen hundreds of people pretend to be disturbed to avoid jury duty, but you, sir, are in a class by yourself.
Adrian Monk: You're too kind.
Judge Rienzo: Well, it's not gonna work, sir. You have a seat, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Objection.
Judge Rienzo: You're juror number 11.