Captain Stottlemeyer: You gave him your word.
Agent Colmes: The deal's void, Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Let me tell you something, Colmes. Adrian Monk may be afraid of milk and germs and elevators and puppies, but you, you couldn't pack that man's lunch.
Agent Colmes: Uh, that's true, actually. I've seen that man pack a lunch. He's insane. It was great working with you, Captain.

Sharona: Hey, Vince. Vince, you know, you, you don't have to follow us around. If we have something to report back to you, I, I promise we're going to call.
Vince: Uncle Sal told me to keep an eye on you. It's for your own protection.
Adrian Monk: It's a little insulting. I haven't needed a babysitter since I was 19.
Sharona: You had a babysitter when you were 19?
Adrian Monk: Everybody did. It was the late '70s. It was a crazy time.

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. Here's the thing. I can't have anything taped to my chest.
Agent Colmes: Oh, that's fine. Come here, let me show you this. Uh, you see, these days we can put a transmitter just about anywhere on the human body. We have six options.
Adrian Monk: Number one is out. Number two... Uh, you wouldn't actually shave me there, would you? Okay.
No, thank you. Number three...
Sharona: What if you have to sit down?
Adrian Monk: Right. Good point. Number four... Even if I die, don't let them do number four.
Lieutenant Disher: Number five.
Adrian Monk: I'll do. Okay, I'll, I'll try that.
Sharona: That's only for women.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, right.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Uh, number six. Number six, I can do that.
Agent Colmes: Number six? Great.
Adrian Monk: Not four.