Adrian Monk: You see them? Fluids.
Maid #1: Fluids?
Adrian Monk: Bodily fluids. I'm gonna need everything scrubbed. S-Scrubbed. How do you say "scrubbed"?
Maid #1: Scrubbed.
Adrian Monk: Scrubbed. The curtains, the carpeting. And did you bring bleach?
Maid #2: Bleach?
Adrian Monk: Bleach! The white God. Dios blanco. Good. That's good. Okay, take your time. Don't worry. I'll pay extra. Whatever it takes.
Rita Bronwyn: Don't you worry, partner. They're a team of experts. I'm going downstairs to look for the stiff. Good luck, ladies.
Adrian Monk: Good luck, ladies. And God be with you.

Rita Bronwyn: Have you seen the new model? It's awesome. It checks 14 different bodily fluids.
Adrian Monk: Fourteen?
Rita Bronwyn: Yeah. Uh, blood, saliva, semen...
Adrian Monk: Okay. That-That-That's okay. Thank you. How does it work?
Rita Bronwyn: I'll show you. Here. Wait. I gotta turn these lights off.
Adrian Monk: Oh. Whoa. Oh, my God. Ugh. Ugh. Whoa. Ah! Oh, oh, oh! Oh! Ugh! Turn, plea- Turn it off, please. God, please. [coughs out tooth pick] I think I'd like to switch rooms.
Rita Bronwyn: We're all booked up. [Monk picks up the phone with a wipe]
Woman: [on the phone] Front desk.
Adrian Monk: Housekeeping?

Adrian Monk: I think I'll go back to the room.
Sharona: Yeah, you don't want to burn. You've been out here for, what, 10 minutes? What happened to the bathing suit I bought you?
Adrian Monk: I'm wearing it underneath.
Sharona: You're not gonna even try?
Adrian Monk: I am what I am.
Sharona: Well, you do what you want. This is my first vacation in three years, and I'm gonna make every minute count.
Adrian Monk: I tried doing that once making every minute count. It gave me a headache.
Sharona: What doesn't?