Adrian Monk Quote #2512
Adrian Monk: What's this?
Natalie: A check for $300. I'm hiring you, Mr. Monk. I need your help. I can't do it myself.
Adrian Monk: Ah, this check's no good.
Natalie: That's sweet of you to say, but-
Adrian Monk: No, I mean it's literally no good. You can't cover this.
Natalie: Sure I can. I just deposited my paycheck on Wednesday.
Adrian Monk: Right, but I happen to know that that check is going to bounce. So this check is pretty much worthless.
Natalie: You wrote me a bad check? How could you do that?
Adrian Monk: I might ask you the same question.
Natalie: No, no, no, no, no. Your check was bad first.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, there's no right and wrong here. It's all tangled up. One check, another check. It's like the chicken and the egg.
Natalie: No, it's not. There's no egg here. There's no egg. This is all chicken. You're taking my check and you're working for me.
Quote from Natalie
Adrian Monk: There you are. Where have you been?
Natalie: I've been thinking I solved the case.
Adrian Monk: What case?
Natalie: I know who killed Callie Esterhaus. It was John Hannigan, the critic.
Adrian Monk: Oh, Natalie.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, Natalie, we know you're upset about that review, but you can't go around accusing the man of murder.
Natalie: No, I know that he did it. I went to his office. He's wearing the same cologne. The cologne that we smelled in that hotel room.
Lieutenant Disher: The cologne you smelled.
Natalie: Plus, he's a "J" for John. Plus, they probably knew each other. She worked at Winberries. That's his favorite restaurant. He eats there every day.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Okay. First of all, Callie Esterhaus died at 8:35, which was during Julie's show.
Adrian Monk: Hannigan was in his seat all night. We saw him.
Natalie: No, he snuck out during the show. The hotel is right down the street. He killed her then snuck back in.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, we were there. You kept looking up at him. He never left his seat.
Lieutenant Disher: You've got to admit, it's a pretty good alibi. Sold-out theater, including Monk.
Natalie: He did it. I don't know how, but he did it.
Lieutenant Disher: That's what he always says.
Quote from Natalie
John Hannigan: Captain, I hope this is important. I have a deadline in 37 minutes. Make that 36. Her again.
Do I have to get a restraining order? It was just a review. Get over it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Hannigan, this is not about the review or what happened to Callie Esterhas. This is an entirely different matter. Right this way.
Julie Teeger: That's him. That's him.
Lieutenant Disher: Are you sure?
John Hannigan: What the hell is this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's OK, miss, he can't hurt you. Go ahead. Tell us your story.
Julie Teeger: Well, last night I was downtown at Winberries. I was waiting for some friends, and he bought me a drink. A rum and coke.
John Hannigan: What? This is crazy. If you think-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Shut up! Let her finish. Go on.
Julie Teeger: I finished the drink, and I- I felt kind of woozy and dizzy. And he offered to walk me to my car. And the next thing I knew I'm in the parking lot, and I'm fighting, and he was grabbing me, and he pulled me down.
John Hannigan: This is preposterous. It wasn't me. I was home. I was writing all night.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, her story checks out. Her dress was ripped, she has bruises on her shoulder.
John Hannigan: I've never seen her before in my life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, how did she get your business card? She said you gave it to her.
John Hannigan: I have no idea. Captain, I swear to you. I was home. I don't know this girl.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Hannigan, this is very important. I want you to take a good, long look at this young woman. Go on, take your time. Be very careful. Are you telling me that you've never seen this girl before she walked in here today?
John Hannigan: Yes, sir. I'm sure. I'd swear on 100 bibles. I have never seen this woman before in my life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I believe you.
Adrian Monk: Lieutenant, did you hear what he said?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, I did.
Adrian Monk: Did everyone in this room hear what he just said? You're all witnesses.
Julie Teeger: Mom, can we go home now?
John Hannigan: Mom?
Adrian Monk: Mr. Hannigan, I'd like you to meet Julie Teeger. Julie was in the show that you reviewed on Saturday night.
Captain Stottlemeyer: But you missed her performance 'cause you snuck off to murder your girlfriend.
John Hannigan: No. No. She wasn't in the curtain call.
Natalie: She was in costume. She was wearing a wig and makeup.
Adrian Monk: That's right. That's right. But in the first half she had a solo number, and she looked just like this. You would have recognized her if you were there.
John Hannigan: I think I need to call my lawyer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. We have phones downtown. You can call from there.
Natalie: Wait a minute, Mr. Hannigan. Your review? She's not too forgettable now, is she?
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.