Adrian Monk: [over radio] Team Alpha to base. I'm approaching the room. Okay, I'm in the room. I'm looking around the room. On my right is a wet bar with two bottles of vodka, two bottles of scotch, and assorted other liquors. Above the wet bar is some type of blackboard. No chalk. There are two bowls of fruit. One real, one plastic. Both contain grapes.
Agent Stone: Is he gonna tell us all he's doing?
Natalie: Apparently.
Adrian Monk: I'm ascending three steps. The upper platform has an 8x3-foot hot tub. It's steaming. Smells heavily chlorinated. On the hot tub are six, repeat six, white rolled-up terrycloth towels. Possibly Egyptian cotton. On the south wall is a thermostat set to 75 degrees. I'm descending the stairs. There's a standing lamp on my right in front of a gray couch with four cushions. Two gray, two orange. I'm touching the standing lamp. Still touching the lamp. Still touching. Can't stop touching the lamp. What's wrong with me?

Lieutenant Disher: That's your Doppelganger. They say everybody's got one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who says that?
Lieutenant Disher: People. And their Doppelgangers.

Natalie: Captain, do you have a minute? Mr. Monk would like to say something.
Adrian Monk: [o.s.] Sorry.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you have to do it in person.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry.
Natalie: Show him the card. Go ahead, read it.
Adrian Monk: "I was 'udderly' wrong." It's a cow. Udder. "I'm sorry if I upset you." Please give me another chance.
"I would hate for my careless gesture to spoil our fine romance." It's the only one they had.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you, Monk. I realize how hard this must have been for you to have Natalie buy it for you.
Natalie: Okay, I bought it, but Mr. Monk paid for it. Or he will. The point is he knows he went too far, and he feels terrible. He'd never had that kind of power before. It was like a drug. It went to his head. But he learned his lesson. Why don't you tell him what you learned?