Captain Stottlemeyer: So identical twins? That's one for the books.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I said twins.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, you always say twins.

Adrian Monk: Okay, look. Roderick Brody changed my life. Maybe as much as Trudy did. He ruined everything. It was childhood's end really.
Dr. Bell: You know, I had a bully in school too. He would wait for me every morning outside the bicycle rack.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. You went to your father for advice and he told you to face up to the bully and the bully backed down.
Dr. Bell: Yes, more or less, yes.
Adrian Monk: What a wonderful anecdote. It'll give me something to think about at 1:00 when my head is in the man's toilet.

Dr. Bell: Why don't you just cancel? Just say you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Natalie won't let me! It's the first paying customer we've had in three weeks. Look, what I need is a note, okay? A note from you. Something I can show Natalie to get me out of this.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I'm not gonna write you a note.
Adrian Monk: You don't have to write it. It's already written. All you have to do is sign it.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, this isn't gym class. Now you've been talking about this Roderick Brody since the first session. And as I recall, you're still having nightmares about him. See, I think this meeting today is a gift. It's an opportunity.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you right. Let's sign the note.
Dr. Bell: It's an opportunity to confront your deepest and most troubling fears. To finally resolve them. Put them all behind you. Not many people get this chance.
Adrian Monk: I see your point. I never looked at it like that. Can I have the note back?
Dr. Bell: Sure. Wait a- You're not planning to forge my signature?
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] No, no, no. [tries to grab the note]