Adrian Monk Quote #1692
Adrian Monk: Okay. He slipped through the bars and out the bathroom window.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How?
Adrian Monk: He wiggled through. He's a nudist. They're all double-jointed.
Lieutenant Disher: They are?
Adrian Monk: Randy. Don't be so naive. They're not like us. All right, look, I-I have a theory. I- I think- I think they secrete a fluid. It's like an oil. It's odorless, but I can smell it. It makes them all slippery. They can wiggle through anything. They're like slugs.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, nobody wiggled through anything. There was a guard on duty all night.
Adrian Monk: Then he's in on it too. He's one of them.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, what about the 20 cops that are outside?
Adrian Monk: They're all in on it! Don't you see? It's a cabal.
Lieutenant Disher: What?
Adrian Monk: A cabal. It's a secret society. Sometimes they're naked. Sometimes they go around dressed to confuse us.
Natalie: Well, they're certainly doing that.
Adrian Monk: Have you read their literature? I have. They want to convert us all. And they won't stop until we're all like them, on beaches, in parks, hanging out everything hanging out. Hanging and hanging. Captain, there's only one way to deal with them. We gotta ship them back.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Ship them back where, Monk?
Adrian Monk: Exactly.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: There's something I never told you. Something happened when I was a boy. There was an incident. With a... With a man.
Dr. Kroger: Who was that?
Adrian Monk: I'd never seen him before. Stranger.
Dr. Kroger: How old were you?
Adrian Monk: I don't remember. Young. I was so small. I remember... [getting emotional] I remember... I was naked.
Dr. Kroger: Take your time.
Adrian Monk: I was so naked. I just hated being naked. And I remember I was crying. And then he hit me.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I'm so sorry.
Adrian Monk: There was blood. There was blood everywhere. I was screaming. I wanted him to stop. And my mother... My mother was smiling.
Dr. Kroger: W- W- Wait, your- your mother was there?
Adrian Monk: Why didn't she stop him? She was supposed to protect me. He kept hitting me. Swinging me around upside down, and...
Dr. Kroger: You were upside down? Was he wearing a mask?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I never wanted to be naked again.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, that man was a doctor. You're remembering your own birth.
Adrian Monk: Doctor? Doctor?
Dr. Kroger: Anybody else, I wouldn't have believed it. But you...
Adrian Monk: Doctor? Well, that would explain a lot, actually. The lights, and my father in the doorway holding a balloon. [sighs]
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Well, he got out. Somehow, he got out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And back in again. Without the guards noticing.
Adrian Monk: [to inmate] Excuse me. Where did you get that?
Man: From the guard.
Adrian Monk: How about this? The guard gives Singer an apple. Singer chews the apple core into the shape of a key. He fashions a rudimentary kiln using that light bulb and a sardine can. He hardens the apple core in his kiln, and uses it to pick the lock. Thank you.
Natalie: An apple core key.
Adrian Monk: No?
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.