Lieutenant Disher: All right, well she told some paramedic that she loosened one of those baseboards. She pretended to be asleep. When he came back to check on her. Bam. Side of the head. [Monk laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us?
Adrian Monk: I can see his butt.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the man is dead.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, of embarrassment! Sorry. I've got it. Here's what happened. Tuesday night, Larkin abducted his wife from that parking lot. He overpowered her. Maybe he drugged her. Then, he brought her up here. He kept her prisoner. For three days, he taunted her. He humiliated her. Something about some jewelry. He- He even refused to feed her. But last night he went a little too far. In all the excitement, his pants fell down. He killed himself. He didn't have a choice. She'd seen his hiney. [laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think we're done here.

Adrian Monk: "Once upon a time in a kingdom called San Francisco, there lived a brave little prince. And his name was Tommy Grazer. Tommy lived with a wicked king and queen. The queen was very greedy. She loved gold, and she wanted more and more. The queen had a plan. She would find a young fiddler from a wealthy family and kidnap him and hold him for ransom. They locked the fiddler in a dungeon. The fiddler's family was very sad. They would do anything to get him back. The wicked king and queen needed to prove that they were serious, so they chopped off the fiddler's finger and planned to leave it in the park. But Prince Tommy was very brave and very smart. He liked to reach into ladies' purses. He reached into the queen's purse and he grabbed the finger." That's where you found it, isn't it?
Tommy: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: "Then Tommy made a new friend named Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk remembered something that the wicked queen said: 'The kid found a pinkie. It's no big deal.' How did she know the missing finger was a pinkie? The police never released that information." And then, the most wonderful and surprising thing of all happened. Mr. Monk discovered that he loved that little prince. But he also realized that the little prince could never live happily ever after if he stayed at Mr. Monk's house, because Mr. Monk can barely take care of himself. And so, they're gonna have to say good-bye. The end.

Dr. Kroger: That must have been a traumatic experience for you, Adrian. And what, they cancelled the movie?
Adrian Monk: He said he wanted to play a character that wasn't so dark and depressing. He's in England doing Hamlet.
Dr. Kroger: How about the little getaway you were planning? The weekend away? [off Monk's look] All right, okay. Maybe another time.
Adrian Monk: I guess I'm back to square one. Oh, it's nice to be home.

Lieutenant Disher: Uh, yeah, the victim's daughter was in here. She did a quick inventory. Said the guy took some cash from the register, maybe 35 bucks, the Smith and Wesson and a wristwatch.
Adrian Monk: A wristwatch?
David Ruskin: Why would he take only one?
Adrian Monk: Why wouldn't he just take everything in the case?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, he was probably in a hurry. He was afraid someone heard the shot.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no. It's clear from the footprints that he came here first. But he took the cheapest watch in the case. Look, $72. Why would he take the cheapest one and leave all the others? He must have been after that particular watch.
David Ruskin: Wow. [chuckles] Wow. That's like...
Adrian Monk: It's a gift and a curse.
David Ruskin: [laughs] I love it!
Captain Stottlemeyer: He says that all the time.
David Ruskin: He does? I love that! It's a gift and a curse.

Lieutenant Disher: Who's playing me? Anybody lined up? Is there any word from casting?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm thinking Brad Pitt. I mean, if it's in the budget. It's always about the budget.