Adrian Monk Quote #869
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk and the Kid
Man: [on the phone] Carlyle, have you got the money?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Man: Listen carefully. Take the money from the duffel bag put it in the trash bag, then get undressed.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Man: There's a bathrobe. Put it on and go up to the roof. You'll see a man on the next rooftop. Throw him the bag. Do you understand?
Adrian Monk: H-H-Hold on. Did you say get undressed?
Man: Well, we have to be sure you're not wearing a tracking device.
Adrian Monk: Okay, here's the thing, what if I promise you I am not wearing a tracking device? What if I give you my word?
Man: You think this is funny? Do it, or your kid brother loses another finger.
Adrian Monk: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here's the thing. Uh, here... Here... Here's the thing. Uh, I'm just, uh, I'm... I'm not comfortable here. Uh, I'm not... Even... Even in high school, I couldn't change in the locker room. I- I got an incomplete almost every semester. I- l- I almost didn't graduate. Vice Principal Bradley had to call my mother at one point.
Man: What are you talking about? Are you trying to screw with us?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, no. Then get up on the roof in a bathrobe with the money, or Daniel's dead.
Monk Quotes
‘Mr. Monk and the Kid’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
Operator: 911. Emergency?
Adrian Monk: You've got to help me. Uh, look, I've just taken in a two-year-old boy. My, uh, assistant isn't home and I can't- I can't reach her. Oh. Oh, God. Oh.
Operator: Sir, what is the nature of your emergency?
Adrian Monk: It's everywhere. BM. It's BM. BM. BM. It's BM.
Operator: Sir, you have to stop saying BM now. Do you mean your child is soiling his diaper?
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, he's soiling his his diaper with, you know, with BM.
Operator: You mean you've never changed a diaper?
Adrian Monk: Hurry.
Operator: Okay, listen carefully. There should be two Velcro straps on the sides. Find the two straps.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I've got the straps.
Operator: Now rip 'em open.
Adrian Monk: Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, the humanity.
Operator: Okay, sir? All right, do you have any wipes?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I've got about 2,000.
Operator: That should be fine.
Adrian Monk: It's not going to be enough!
Operator: Sir, you're gonna have to wipe your son's bottom. [wails on the line] Sir, is the boy all right?
Adrian Monk: He's fine. That was me. Wait a minute. Oh, my God. He's making more.
Operator: I-ls it number one or number two?
Adrian Monk: It's one and two and... And... Oh, my God. It's... It's three. It's number three.
Operator: Sir, I'm afraid you're on your own. This line is for emergencies only.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: "Once upon a time in a kingdom called San Francisco, there lived a brave little prince. And his name was Tommy Grazer. Tommy lived with a wicked king and queen. The queen was very greedy. She loved gold, and she wanted more and more. The queen had a plan. She would find a young fiddler from a wealthy family and kidnap him and hold him for ransom. They locked the fiddler in a dungeon. The fiddler's family was very sad. They would do anything to get him back. The wicked king and queen needed to prove that they were serious, so they chopped off the fiddler's finger and planned to leave it in the park. But Prince Tommy was very brave and very smart. He liked to reach into ladies' purses. He reached into the queen's purse and he grabbed the finger." That's where you found it, isn't it?
Tommy: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: "Then Tommy made a new friend named Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk remembered something that the wicked queen said: 'The kid found a pinkie. It's no big deal.' How did she know the missing finger was a pinkie? The police never released that information." And then, the most wonderful and surprising thing of all happened. Mr. Monk discovered that he loved that little prince. But he also realized that the little prince could never live happily ever after if he stayed at Mr. Monk's house, because Mr. Monk can barely take care of himself. And so, they're gonna have to say good-bye. The end.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lab Tech: It is a left pinkie belonging to a male Caucasian about 25 years old. So far there's no match on the fingerprint. The digit was severed earlier today. We figure about 8:00 a.m., with some kind of gardening instrument, like pruning shears.
Natalie: They cut up a whole body with pruning shears?
Lieutenant Disher: No. Maybe they just cut off the fingers. That way, when they dumped the body later, there'd be no prints.
Adrian Monk: There's a callus.
Lab Tech: That's true. We think he might have played guitar.
Adrian Monk: No. Not guitar. It's at the wrong angle. He played the violin. There's some residue. It's sticky, like sap.
Lieutenant Disher: Tree sap. Lumberjack. A missing nine-fingered lumberjack.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who plays the violin.
Lieutenant Disher: Should I put a list together?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Absolutely. Make sure you don't run out of paper.