Adrian Monk Quote #761
Natalie: All right, next thing, um... Here you go.
Adrian Monk: What? Wh- What's this?
Natalie: Those are my expenses. They come to $310.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I don't pay those.
Natalie: Oh, Mr. Monk, they're all business-related. Here, look, um... This is my gas bill, from driving you around all day.
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh.
Natalie: This is my cell phone bill. All these calls are from you. And this is from the drugstore. I'm buying over 200 wipes a week.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing. I pay you exactly what I paid Sharona. I didn't pay her expenses.
Natalie: Here's the thing. I am not Sharona. I'm an individual. I'm unique. Don't ever compare me to anybody else.
Adrian Monk: Sharona used to say the exact same thing. Word for word. Isn't that funny?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, are you going to reimburse me or not?
Adrian Monk: I would, if I could. But I can't afford it.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Trudy: We both know what's happening here, Adrian. You're having what Dr. Kroger would call a psychotic break. It's a defense mechanism. How long do you have?
Adrian Monk: Uh, there's about 50 cubic feet of air in the coffin. 35 minutes, maybe 40. Let's talk about something else.
Trudy: How did you know it was the gravedigger?
Adrian Monk: I noticed the stamp on the back of his hand. At the time, I didn't think anything about it. But then later, I saw the exact same stamp on Natalie's hand.
Trudy: So you knew Chris Downey had been to the museum.
Adrian Monk: That's right. He stole Sonny Chow's hairbrush. Because he needed Chow's DNA, so he could frame him for murder.
Trudy: But why Sonny Chow?
Adrian Monk: So the police would exhume his body. It all started six years ago. I remember the case. Downey had stolen half a million in jewels from a courier. During the getaway, he assaulted an off-duty cop. He was convicted on the assault, but they couldn't get him on the robbery.
Trudy: They never found the diamonds.
Adrian Monk: Exactly. He was working here at the cemetery. Before he went home, he must've stopped here and hid the jewels.
Adrian Monk: In Sonny Chow's coffin. It was perfect. Chow was scheduled to be buried the next day. Downey figured he could always come back and dig it up. Even five or six years later.
Trudy: You felt 'em in the pillowcase. You felt 'em when Natalie hit you in the back.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Captain Stottlemeyer: Get a list of tenants. Start knockin' on doors. Lieutenant, I thought you had the perimeter.
Lieutenant Disher: Fist of the Cobra. 1975. I've got that same poster in my room. Oh, look at this. That's from Ten Fingers of Doom. He broke his arm doing that stunt. He still finished the scene, though. Oh, my God!
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Lieutenant Disher: He's got a bootleg copy of Enter the Cobra. Can I have this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you can't have it, Detective. This is a crime scene.
Lieutenant Disher: Let's watch it. [off Stottlemeyer's look] Fine, I'll put it back.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, I've got a theory on this. This guy John Ricca, he's published a book about Sonny Chow, right?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, it's a real hatchet job. I mean, it made the Cobra look terrible.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "The Cobra"?
Lieutenant Disher: Sonny Chow. I mean, maybe we should be looking for a Sonny Chow fan. I mean, they all hated the book. And most of them are pretty nuts. I mean, I see them at conventions all the time, and they are real fanatics.
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.