Natalie: I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, I'm not moving.
Adrian Monk: It's humiliating. Look at me, I'm last in line.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there are two of us, and you're second.
Adrian Monk: Out of two. Second out of two. We call that last.
Natalie: I'm not moving. I'm on the heating grate. I'm very comfortable.
Adrian Monk: You don't even like the show. You don't even know who Christine Rapp is.
Natalie: I know who she is. She's an actress from an old TV show that my boss is obsessed with.
Adrian Monk: I'm not obsessed. I'm barely fixated. I'm- I'm- I'm mildly... Okay, I'm obsessed. That show was very important to me, Natalie.
Natalie: Clearly.
Adrian Monk: Tuesdays at 8:00. The Cooper Clan. It felt like they were the only friends I had.
Natalie: Okay, so what are you gonna say to her?
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna say thank you.

Stan: In the slumber party episode
Adrian Monk: "Slumber Sarty Pooper." Season four, episode nine.
Stan: What was the name of Janey's best friend?
Adrian Monk: Brenda. Okay, who was Scamp's trainer?
Stan: Wayne Julius. How much did Cathy Cooper's first car cost?
Adrian Monk: Ah, that's too easy. $100. What was the name of the school they attended?
Stan: Tatem Elementary.
Adrian Monk: And what year was it built?
Stan: What year?
Adrian Monk: Come on, it was on the cornerstone near the front door. 1928. He gets half a point. Okay, what color was the telephone in the living room?
Stan: Color? ... Yellow.
Adrian Monk: You looked at the lunch box.
Stan: I did not.
Adrian Monk: You looked at the lunch box. He looked at the lunch box. No point for him. What's the score. What's the score? What's the score?
Natalie: I don't know, Mr. Monk. What do you want the score to be?

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, final round. This is for the game. What is the name of the letter carrier in the pen pal episode?
Stan: Daisy Green.
Adrian Monk: Wrong! He's wrong! I win!
Stan: It was Daisy Green. I have the episode guide right here.
Adrian Monk: Her name was Daisy Green in season two. She got married in the series finale, remember? She became Daisy... Come on. Brackowitz. I didn't say, "What was her name?" I said, "What is her name?" Is, is. See, I said "is". You heard me. Is. Game over. I win. Have you even seen this show? Yeah, it was good. It was called The Cooper Clan. Look it up in your little book. He's got the little book. He's got it. Look at your book. He's got the book.
Natalie: You know what, Mr. Monk, I'm actually glad we came. I really am. I've never seen you this excited about anything. This show was important to you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it was all I had. No matter how bad things got, I knew if I could just make it to Tuesday night. 8:00, Tuesday night, everything would be okay. It would all make sense, at least for half an hour. They were like my other family. Who am I kidding? My real family was my other family.

Adrian Monk: Excuse me, Christine. Miss Rapp. Miss Christine Rapp. Hello, yes. [shakes her hand] This is such a tremendous. [Natalie hands him a wipe] Uh, I'm- I'm gonna keep this forever.
Christine Rapp: Why?
Natalie: It's actually quite an honor, believe it or not.
Adrian Monk: Cathy Cooper all grown up.
Kim Kelly: This isn't really a good time for us right now. I'm sure you understand.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I should explain. I'm Adrian Monk. I'm working with the San Francisco police. That's why I'm here. I'm not some crazy, fanatical groupie. God, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you.
Natalie: I'm Natalie Teeger. I'm Mr. Monk's assistant. [shakes her hand]
Adrian Monk: Why are you wiping?
Natalie: I'll tell you later.

Kim Kelly: I'm scared to death, Mr. Monk. The person who did this, he isn't gonna stop. Someone's been sending her letters, horrible letters, ever since she started writing her book.
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, the captain did mention that.
Kim Kelly: The police say it's just an overzealous fan. We thought so too, but after this, she needs a bodyguard.
Adrian Monk: Bodyguard, right.
Kim Kelly: Someone we can trust. I know you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'll do it.
Kim Kelly: Okay. $1,000 a week, is that fair?
Adrian Monk: Mmm. It's a deal, I can't pay it all at once.
Kim Kelly: No, we would pay you.
Adrian Monk: Ah, even better. Of course. So glad to help.
Kim Kelly: Thank you. I'm so relieved. I can breathe now. I can't wait to tell Christine. Welcome to the family.
Adrian Monk: I'm in the family. I'm in the Cooper clan.

Adrian Monk: He was such a great dad. What was he like, you know, in real life? Was he nice?
Christine Rapp: You haven't read my book, have you?
Adrian Monk: No, not yet. I can't wait. Listen, let's watch the the babysitter episode. Could we please? I love the part where you and Janey turn back all the clocks, right? So that you could stay up later. You two were such rascals.

Kim Kelly: How's the investigation going, Mr. Monk? Anything to report?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Well, we have this. Surveillance photo from the radio station. He was standing across the street before the car exploded.
Christine Rapp: The police said he was there all morning.
Adrian Monk: Right. Christine said she never saw him before. How about you?
Kim Kelly: No, sorry. What about the letters?
Adrian Monk: Well, I'm gonna see Captain Stottlemeyer later today. I should know a lot more then.
Kim Kelly: What do we do in the meantime?
Adrian Monk: Well, I suggest we watch a few more episodes of The Cooper Clan and then take a tour of the house.
Kim Kelly: Why don't we take a tour of the house right now?
Adrian Monk: Oh, shucky darns. Get it? [chuckles] That was what Billy said.

Adrian Monk: In season three, episode ten, you said you were allergic to peanuts, but then in season five, right, the bake sale episode, you ate those brownies and you never had any reaction.
Christine Rapp: Well, maybe Dr. Nabors gave me some medicine.
Adrian Monk: You mean Dr. Norberg. But that's impossible, because at the end of the tonsils episode, Dr.
Norberg said he was retiring.
Christine Rapp: Oh, I don't know. I just I don't know.
Kim Kelly: Do you have any other questions?
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I do.
Kim Kelly: I mean not related to the show.
Adrian Monk: Oh. No.

Christine Rapp: Well, I have a photo shoot later, so I better get dressed. Do you want to come with me, Mr. Bodyguard?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think that's necessary.
Christine Rapp: Shy? I like that in a man.
Kim Kelly: She likes anything in a man.

Adrian Monk: The Silver Globe.
Kim Kelly: Yes. It's beautiful, isn't it?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Kim Kelly: This hunk of metal saved her career. She won it for a TV movie about anorexia.
Adrian Monk: The Vanishing Girl, I remember. That was the only awards show I ever saw. I was probably more nervous than she was. And it went on forever, didn't it? First that guy came out and told all those jokes.
Kim Kelly: That was Bob hope.
Adrian Monk: Whatever. And then the two accountants came out and went on and on and on about all the rules.
Kim Kelly: They were from Fineman and Kelly. They tabulated the ballots.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, and then finally they announced her name, Best Supporting Actress, Christine Rapp. God, I was so happy. I was. I was cheering like, "ahh"... [Christine Rapp screams]