[flashback:]
Natalie: Nancy Gildea. I was just reading about her. She was married to that famous artist.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Evan Gildea. They were separated. Very separated. I guess these are some of his.
Adrian Monk: Oh, this is amazing. Look at that. It's perfect.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, that's a display stand. The art is out here.
Adrian Monk: Oh, well, that's junk.

Harrison Powell: Your honor, I would like to introduce to the court defense exhibit A. Is this the statue that you saw in Mr. Gildea's studio?
Adrian Monk: [looking away] Yes.
Harrison Powell: Mr. Monk, the statue is my client alibi. It's kind of important that you take a look at it. In fact the statue is the single most important piece of evidence in this entire case, and you can't even look at it.
Adrian Monk: I got the gist of it.
Harrison Powell: Whoa, I'm sorry, he got the gist of the evidence.
Adrian Monk: I got the gist of the head and the... upper head area.

Adrian Monk: [microphone feedback]
Judge Santa Croce: Is there a problem with the microphone?
Adrian Monk: There is a small kink in the microphone, your honor. You'll thank me later. There it is. You're welcome.

Dr. Bell: All right, before you decide, let me tell you a little story.
Adrian Monk: No, there's nothing you can say. My mind is made up.
Dr. Bell: Just hear me out. Please.
Adrian Monk: Is this a long story?
Dr. Bell: No.
Adrian Monk: Is it a parable?
Dr. Bell: No. As you know, I went to college on a baseball scholarship. Now there was a pitcher in the league named Scotty Hunt, who was my nemesis. All right, he had this sinking curve ball. I mean, I couldn't touch it. He struck me out 15 times in a row.
Adrian Monk: Okay, this is a parable.
Dr. Bell: It's not a parable. If it's anything, it's an allegory.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'm quitting.
Dr. Bell: Please let me finish, okay? Now I considered giving up. Then I decided, I'm not just gonna roll over. I'm not gonna let this jerk ruin everything I worked so hard for. So I went to school on the guy. I studied him. I looked for his weakness. And I realized he had a tell. He was tipping his curve ball. So, last game of the season, I'm at bat, bases loaded, we're down by three, I saw the tell. I'm looking for the curve ball. And I nailed it right field fence, grand slam. We went on to win the playoffs.
Adrian Monk: I don't want to be rude. Is that the end of the allegory?
Dr. Bell: Yes, it is.
Adrian Monk: I'm quitting.

Adrian Monk: He confessed.
Lieutenant Disher: To robbing the store.
Adrian Monk: He confessed?
Lieutenant Disher: Not to the murder.
Adrian Monk: Randy, you know the law. If I go with you and I see something, then I might have to testify about it. And if I accuse someone, they could hire this Powell guy. They probably will.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I'm willing to take that chance.
Adrian Monk: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: Because he didn't do it.

Evan Gildea: I read about that. The auto store. I thought you caught that kid.
Adrian Monk: There was a young man in the store. He robbed the place, he grabbed a few bucks, but he didn't kill anyone. Here's what happened.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: Nothing. It just feels good to say that again, especially to him. Here's what happened. You drove to San Francisco, and you murdered your wife, no matter what the jury said, you murdered your wife. But as you were leaving, you had a problem. One of your taillights was burned out. You couldn't driving home like that. If the cops stopped you, your alibi would be ruined. There was an auto parts store up the street, you ran in to buy a new bulb, you were gonna pay cash, nobody would ever know you were there.
Captain Stottlemeyer: But your timing was terrible.
Adrian Monk: Now you had a bigger problem. As soon as she reported it, the cops would take a look at the security tape.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And we'd see you in the store three blocks away from where your wife was killed, and you couldn't afford that.
Evan Gildea: If it's all right with you, I'm gonna wait for my attorney. His name is Harrison Powell. I think you might remember him.
Adrian Monk: Leland, he's in my head again.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, Monk, he's actually he's here.
Adrian Monk: Oh, thank God.

Harrison Powell: I've been brought up to speed. I understand you found a burnt-out taillight bulb next to an auto parts store. Congratulations, former detective Adrian Monk. May I? This this bulb must fit, what, fifty models?
Adrian Monk: 31.
Harrison Powell: 31 models. Former detective Adrian Monk, have you ever been inside an auto parts store? Do you even drive a car, former detective Monk? Okay, well, if you guys aren't gonna charge him, with anything, and I can tell by the dumbfounded expressions on your faces that you're not at all. You can turn that off 'cause we're hitting the road. Let's go, fella. I'm double-parked.

Captain Stottlemeyer: The truth will come out, Powell. Somehow it always does. Your client killed that woman.
Evan Gildea: When are you people gonna stop hassling me? I mean, you've got the real killer right in front of you. That dope-smoking, chain-snatching, little thug right over there. He killed her. Everybody knows it.
Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me. Wait a minute. Hey, did you hear what he just said?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, I did. I wonder why you're asking.
Adrian Monk: Did you hear what he just said?
Evan Gildea: I didn't say anything.
Adrian Monk: You just called that young man, "a chain-snatching, dope-smoking little thug."
Evan Gildea: I was being kind.
Adrian Monk: How did you know about the chain-snatching?
Harrison Powell: He read it.
Natalie: No, it wasn't in the papers. It wasn't even in the police report.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no. There is only one possible way he knew Rudy took that necklace. You saw it happen.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's called guilty knowledge. And juries eat it up. Mr. Gildea, you're under arrest. Randy, would you like to do the honors?
Lieutenant Disher: My pleasure.

Adrian Monk: He is gonna rip me apart.
Natalie: No, he's not. Mr. Monk, you're gonna do great. You've seen his curve ball.
Adrian Monk: I don't even know what that means. Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this again.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm proud of you, man. You're getting back on the horse.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, Monk, a couple of suggestions. Just a thought. Maybe work on not crying I mean, quite so much in front of the jury.
Adrian Monk: Okay, that's a good note.
Natalie: Yeah, also, you can think "mayday" all you want, but it's probably a mistake to yell the word "mayday" from the witness stand.
Adrian Monk: Did I do that?
Natalie: Just a couple times.
Captain Stottlemeyer: More than a couple of times.
Adrian Monk: I better write these down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There are no timeouts. No do-overs.
Natalie: No heavy, heavy sweating.

Natalie: [hiccups] I'm sorry. [hiccups]
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God.
Natalie: I can't help it.
Lieutenant Disher: Drink some water.
Natalie: I tried. It's not working. Maybe if you scared me.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, if you hiccup again, I'm gonna take Randy's gun and shoot you.
Natalie: That worked.
Adrian Monk: You're welcome.