Captain Stottlemeyer: They're authentic. One was stolen nine years ago from a gallery in Madrid, and two are from a museum in Venice.
Adrian Monk: He was worried that somebody would see the artwork on TV and recognize it. But he knew that if Ray Regis were dead, they would never run the ad.
Natalie: So he hired that terrible, terrible man.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, nice collection, Daniel. Too bad none of it's yours.
Lieutenant Disher: You should just kept it all in your basement.
Daniel MacGraw: It's fine art, lieutenant.It's meant to be savored. I never imagined my bride would invite a TV crew into my house while I was out of the country.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So you didn't tell her it was stolen?
Daniel MacGraw: In hindsight, maybe that's something I should have mentioned.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Get him outta here.

Lieutenant Disher: Guy went through a lot of trouble for nothing. I mean, nobody even watches commercials anymore.
Adrian Monk: Is that right? Natalie: It's called TiVo, Mr. Monk. People just zap right past it to get to the good stuff.
Adrian Monk: That makes sense.

Ray Regis: Mr. M! how'd it go?
Adrian Monk: Oh, was there ever any doubt? I am the beast. I am the beast!
Natalie: He did everything. The wall, the pull-ups, the run. All under seven minutes. And that includes touching three mailboxes!

Louie Flynn: Looks like you got some competition, Ray.
Adrian Monk: Absolutely.
Ray Regis: I see.
Adrian Monk: Absolutely. You make have met your match, machine. Come on, let's do this. I ain't afraid of you.
Natalie: Okay, Mr. Monk, you are afraid. You're afraid of everything!

Ray Regis: Hey, hey, I can't believe you're watching this again.
Producer: This is a busted take. We kept the camera rolling.
Adrian Monk: Who's that guy?
Ray Regis: He owns the house. That's his old lady.
Producer: She forgot to tell him we were going to shoot there. He came home, went postal. Kept shouting, threatening everybody.
Ray Regis: Yeah, I wouldn't want to go four rounds with him.