Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you got a minute?
Adrian Monk: Do I have a minute? I'm in a wheelchair.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I know that this is tough, but this is tough on Natalie too. You see this guy here? That's the guy that shot you. The guy in the body bag. And you're madder at her than you are at him.
Adrian Monk: She hasn't said anything.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Of course she hasn't said anything. She blames herself for what happened. She... Look, I know you caught a bad break. I'm sorry you're in pain. Sorry you're miserable. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. But you can't keep taking everything out on her. Listen, Detective Monk, be very careful, because you're that close from losing that girl. Ask me how I know.
Adrian Monk: How do you know?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Because you're acting like me.

Dean Berry: Okay, we're all cued up.
Lieutenant Disher: Hey, when you have a second, I have an idea for a new vegetable.
Dean Berry: We don't really solicit ideas.
Lieutenant Disher: It's a hollowed out cucumber, with French dressing already inside. You want to know what I call it?
Dean Berry: No, I don't.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, look, the bolt cutters.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, you're right. Those are nice.
Natalie: Maybe he's riding his bike. I don't see it.
Adrian Monk: He's right in there. I can see him. Playing video games, eating junk food. What are we doing here?
Natalie: The right thing.
Adrian Monk: [knocks] Hello, Johnny. Open up. It's Encyclopedia Brown. Sally and I want our blue bike back, and the name of your decorator. You're not in trouble. Nobody's going to press charges. We just want the bike.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I mean look, it's not complicated, Vince. If you know where your cousin is, and you're not telling us, that makes you an accessory after the fact.
Lieutenant Disher: Aiding and abetting.
Captain Stottlemeyer: For attempted murder. Which is a very, very long good-bye. Let me put it this way, your parole officer, he hasn't been born yet.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We got the forensics back on that bullet. It was a 22 caliber.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, and get this. We picked up Kuramoto's cousin. He says it wasn't random. Kuramoto was after that particular bike.
Natalie: You're kidding.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Somebody paid him three grand to boost it.
Adrian Monk: $3,000?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, you got a good look at it. Was there anything unusual about that bike?
Natalie: Uh, like what?
Lieutenant Disher: Solid gold basket?
Natalie: No, I don't think it had a solid gold basket.

Adrian Monk: Maybe the frame was hollow and had something inside it. Drugs or cash.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's what I was thinking. I think we need to go talk to Dr. Berry again.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, we're on our way to his house right now. You want to come?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you going to do? You're going to hang out here feeling sorry for yourself? And complain to Natalie?
Adrian Monk: That's the plan. [Stottlemeyer starts pushing Monk's wheelchair] Hey, What are you doing?!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Change of plans.
Adrian Monk: Change of plans? What happened to my plan?
Captain Stottlemeyer: New plan.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that it?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir. "For Professor Dean Berry in deepest appreciation."
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's the bike. And it was in the dumpster?
Ronnie O'Dell: Yes, sir. We downloaded this unit at approximately 14:30 this afternoon. I read about the stolen bike in the paper, and the officer that was shot over it. I like to read the police blotter.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that a fact?
Ronnie O'Dell: Uh, yes, I think it's my civic duty. You see, I like to think of the Sanitation Department as being the eyes and the ears of the city.
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, this is Ronnie O'Dell. He's been, uh, very helpful.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sounds like it. So the bike was just sitting there on top?
Ronnie O'Dell: No sir. It was buried. It was on or beneath, what we like to call the "nadir," see, which is very important to us. Because we know when this unit was last emptied. Which means that we can pinpoint the day, and even approximate the time when the bike was discarded.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Which was?
Lieutenant Disher: 3:30, Monday afternoon. About 20 minutes after it was stolen.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, the bike rack is about a 1/2 mile away. So what, the guy steals the bike, he rides a couple of blocks, and then throws it away?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.
Ronnie O'Dell: Apparently.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He didn't want the bike. After all of this. What the hell's going on?
Ronnie O'Dell: We don't know, sir. Frankly, the lieutenant and I... We're stymied.
Lieutenant Disher: We found the basket.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, Randy, get it over with. Tell me now. Is the basket made of gold?
Lieutenant Disher: No, it's a basic basket. We've been through this whole truck, only thing we can't find Is the bell, the cable, and the lock.
Ronnie O'Dell: Wait a second. What do you got? Eh? [rings bell]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good, you found the bell. [bell ringing continues] Thank you. You can stop ringing the bell now.

Adrian Monk: Natalie, look what you've done. This death trap is worse than the other death trap.
Natalie: Sorry, Mr. Monk.
Dean Berry: Are you all right?
Natalie: Is Mr. Monk okay?
Dean Berry: This girl is dehydrated. Has she not had a steady intake of fluids?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Dean Berry: Has she been sleeping?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Dean Berry: Does she eat?
Adrian Monk: Well, I think... I don't know.
Dean Berry: Stay right here. I'm going to get you some juice and some vitamins.
Natalie: Okay, thanks.
Dean Berry: You're going to be fine. [gives Monk a dirty look]
Adrian Monk: Dear God, what have I done? [offers Natalie] Wipe?

Adrian Monk: Natalie, I've been a fool. I've been a Jerk. I'm so sorry. Here, go like this. Go like this.
Natalie: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Those are chips. I'm giving them all back to you. I'm sorry. Leland was right. I have been taking everything out on you. I'm sorry.
Natalie: Thank you, Mr. Monk. See, was that so hard?
Adrian Monk: It was pretty hard.