Terri: Thank you for waiting. The doctor will be right with you.
Adrian Monk: There's no rush. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Please. Please. What are you gonna do? I didn't really have a smudge, did I?
Terri: You should be flattered. The doctor doesn't usually come in this late. Especially for new patients.
Adrian Monk: That tooth. The roots are about ten inches apart, aren't they?
Terri: If you say so.
Adrian Monk: I get it now. I know what happened. The drivers fought back during the hijacking. Denny Jardeen got hit in the face. He must have knocked a tooth loose. So Jardeen came here to get his tooth fixed. Makes sense. He's an ex-cop, and you're on the medical plan. He must have talked in his sleep. Dr. Bloom said a lot of patients do. He told you everything. About the robbery, where they hid the money, it must have been like winning the lottery.
Terri: If you say so.
Adrian Monk: That night, you went to Jardeen's house, found the money, figured it was safe, that he would never remember telling you anything. But you were wrong. He did remember. Or maybe, when the money went missing, he just figured it out. He came back here Tuesday night while you were working on Randy. Randy witnessed the whole thing, sort of. He was right about everything, wasn't he?
Terri: If you say so.

Lieutenant Disher: I still don't see what's wrong with the Randy Disher Project.
Aaron: I never liked that name. Even in high school.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay. Okay, what about the Randy Disher Experience?
Chad: How about Severe Tire Damage?
Aaron: Okay, how about mellow knights with a K?
Lieutenant Disher: I gotta say I'm leaning towards the Randy Disher experience.
Brendan: How about this? I'm gonna open up a newspaper and the first word I see that's our name. Baghdad. That's good actually. I kind of like that.
Aaron: Baghdad.
Lieutenant Disher: Let me see that. $13 million in bearer bonds stolen. Bearer bonds. Barry Bonds. Not Barry Bonds. They were saying bearer bonds!

Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, toothache.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait, is that the same tooth? I told you to take care of that.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I am. I'm chewing on the other side. It's fine, I hardly notice it. [whimpers]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're crying. Randy, you're no good to me like this. Go to a dentist.
Lieutenant Disher: I have an appointment Saturday.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. You don't wanna use up your sick days. You're saving your sick days for when you're not feeling sick, is that it? I'm gonna go talk to Monk. You make me wanna talk to Monk.

Adrian Monk: There's some oil on the floor.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that a clue? Is that important?
Adrian Monk: Nah, there's oil on the floor.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll call the EPA.

Captain Stottlemeyer: So, do you, uh any ideas about the robbery?
Adrian Monk: Did you notice the back bumper, how damaged it was?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: And these side mirrors are pushed in. I don't think this armored car was driven here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It wasn't?
Adrian Monk: No. I think it was carried somehow in the back of a bigger truck. You see the tire tracks from a larger vehicle.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're right. It was probably an 18-wheeler about 14 feet wide. So they brought the armored car here, they unload it. How did they get the drivers out of the cab?
Adrian Monk: With this. A piece of rubber tubing. They drilled the hole here in the Plexiglas.
Captain Stottlemeyer: They gassed them out.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bag this up.
Natalie: He has a toothache.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I know. He's been bitching about it all week.
Natalie: What, it's a real toothache?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Natalie: I can't believe you lied to me like that. Why didn't you just say I have a toothache?
Lieutenant Disher: I did, like ten times.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, if you don't take care of this tooth immediately today, I'm gonna rip it out myself, understand?
Lieutenant Disher: Fine. [Natalie shoves Disher] What?

Terri: Hey, sleeping beauty. Welcome back.
Lieutenant Disher: Are you all right?
Terri: Am I all right? Why wouldn't I be?
Lieutenant Disher: There was a man in here.
Dr. Oliver Bloom: She has men in here all the time.
Lieutenant Disher: You- You were fighting.
Dr. Oliver Bloom: Well, there was a fight, all right. Between me and this molar here. It didn't wanna come out. There's gonna be some sensitivity for a few days. Now, I wrote you a prescription. This should help with the pain. Now, don't take more than one every four hours.
Terri: Oh, and I almost forgot. Your sticker.

Lieutenant Disher: I think that he, Dr. Bloom and his assistant Terri, I mean, I think they murdered someone.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You saw it?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, sort of. I was sedated.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You were sedated? Randy, one time, I was under anesthesia. I thought my moustache was a chipmunk.
Detective Patterson: I was the Green Lantern once. It was great. I didn't wanna wake up.
Lieutenant Disher: Look, I was supposed to be out for 30 minutes. But I was under for almost two hours.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Was there a body?
Lieutenant Disher: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Any signs of struggle?
Lieutenant Disher: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And who did they kill?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. It was a guy. Male, Caucasian, 5'11", 200 pounds. They were arguing about Barry Bonds. And I'm pretty sure that I can ID him.
Detective Patterson: The baseball player?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. I think this guy thought Dr. Bloom kidnapped Barry Bonds. I mean, they were arguing about how much Barry Bonds was worth.
Detective Patterson: Hey, you know, if your dentist played baseball, you know what team he'd play for? The Yanks. Get it? [Stottlemeyer laughs]
Lieutenant Disher: It's not funny.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's a little funny, Randy. Look, why don't you, um take a walk. Clear you head. Here, drop this off at Monk's. He's waiting for this. Then take the rest of the day off, okay? Go to the movies, go to the beach. Okay? Get out of here. I'll call you later.

Lieutenant Disher: Monk, can I ask you a question? What do you normally charge? You know, for someone who wants to hire you. I mean, not the department. A private party.
Adrian Monk: Like who?
Lieutenant Disher: Like me.
Natalie: Is this about the dentist?
Adrian Monk: The captain called us. He said you had a reaction to the anesthesia. You were probably hallucinating.
Lieutenant Disher: No, I wasn't hallucinating. It really happened. It was as real as you are right now standing in front of me.
Adrian Monk: Randy, I'm not standing. But if you need my help you don't have to pay me. All you have to do is ask. I mean, you're one of my oldest friends. I've known you for years.
Lieutenant Disher: Thank you. I want you to come back to the dentist's office with me.
Adrian Monk: Let me finish. Unfortunately, at the moment, I have a lot of things on my plate.
Natalie: No, you don't.
Adrian Monk: Well, I have this armored car thing. I have to read this whole file that's about 120 pages. And I just found a typo, by the way. And I have to replace the lint filter on my dryer. Filters do not replace themselves.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, can I talk to you for a minute?
Adrian Monk: I have to talk to Natalie for a minute.

Natalie: You know, this is ridiculous. We're just gonna go there and look around. You're not a patient. You're not sitting in the chair. There's no probing. There's no drilling. I'll be with you the whole time.
Adrian Monk: But I...
Natalie: No. [to Disher] He's happy to do it.