Dr. Bell: Okay, now, you see, now, now, we all have problems.
Adrian Monk: You're just jealous. You've been jealous of me since the first day we met, which, by the way, I like to refer to as Black Tuesday.
Harold Krenshaw: Why would I be jealous of you?
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Harold Krenshaw: I made $210,000 last year. How much did you make?
Adrian Monk: $2 million.
Harold Krenshaw: Liar! He's lying. Admit it, Adrian. My success is killing you. It's eating you up.
Adrian Monk: What success?
Harold Krenshaw: I'm on the city council. People voted for me.
Adrian Monk: Because they don't know you! Did anybody here vote for this clown?
Rhonda: Not me.
Adrian Monk: Dr. Bell, you're in his district. Did you vote for him?
Dr. Bell: You not supposed to ask that question.
Adrian Monk: That's a no. See, Neven didn't vote for you, Harold. Suck on that.
Harold Krenshaw: I'm gonna rezone your whole neighborhood. I can do that!
Adrian Monk: Why don't you rezone your...
Harold Krenshaw: I'm gonna put a Kentucky Fried Chicken on your roof!
Dr. Bell: Stop it! Stop it, please!
Harold Krenshaw: I know where your roof is!

Harold Krenshaw: Excuse me! He has 20 items.
Adrian Monk: It's only one item. They're all the same.
Harold Krenshaw: But you're buying 20.
Adrian Monk: But it's the same item.
Harold Krenshaw: But you're buying 20.
Adrian Monk: Of the same item.
Harold Krenshaw: There's the sign. It doesn't say 12 different items.
Cashier: I think it's 12 items total.
Harold Krenshaw: Thank you.
Natalie: Here, I'm buying the first ten, and he's buying the rest.
Harold Krenshaw: Well played, Adrian, well played.

Harold Krenshaw: Actually, we have some news too.
Adrian Monk: Right. Well, Harold and I were locked in the trunk, but we dealt with it. We had a real breakthrough. Actually, I- I definitely think we can cross claustrophobia off both of our lists.
Xavier Danko: Dr. Bell, do you believe in God?
Harold Krenshaw: Hey. Excuse me. My friend was just talking. We didn't interrupt you. Go ahead.
Adrian Monk: See, what we realized was the trunk was protecting us from germs.
Harold Krenshaw: Nature.
Adrian Monk: Snakes.
Harold Krenshaw: And my mother...

Natalie: Uh-oh.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Natalie: It's from your HMO.
Adrian Monk: Don't open that.
Natalie: It says "important."
Adrian Monk: All the more reason to just throw it out.
Natalie: Maybe it's good news.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, good news from my HMO. What do you think, I won a free colonoscopy?

Dr. Bell: All right, deep breath. Good. Adrian, in our last private session, we talked a bit about claustrophobia. I think that's a good place to start, since that's a condition that all of you have in common.
Harold Krenshaw: Not me.
Adrian Monk: Oh, please.
Harold Krenshaw: I mean, not anymore. I used to hate tight spaces, but Neven cured me.
Dr. Bell: Really? You're cured? But you never mentioned that.
Harold Krenshaw: I was about to when Adrian walked in. You know what did it? Visualization. That was really great advice, Dr. B. I visualized a door, and then I visualized a key to the door.
Dr. Bell: Well, that's great. I'm really happy for you.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, I couldn't have done it without you, Doc. You're a God. Thank you. Gracias. Merci beaucoup. Danke schoen. Spasibo. Arigato! Cam on anh. That's, Vietnamese.

Adrian Monk: I tried it. Visualization, the key and the door. It didn't work.
Harold Krenshaw: Why don't you have your assistant visualize it for you?
Augie Wellman: You have an assistant?
Dr. Bell: Yes, Adrian has a very difficult job, which requires an assistant. He's a decorated police detective. He's a real hero.
Harold Krenshaw: What about us? I mean, we're out there all alone, assistant-less. We have no help. We have no one to lean on. We're the real heroes.
Augie Wellman: I think Barbara's the lucky one. She doesn't have to deal with any of this crap anymore.
Dr. Bell: Yeah, I know. And I'm gonna miss her too. We all miss her. We'll be grieving for a long time.
Harold Krenshaw: [sighs] I wish I had an assistant. She could grieve for me.
Adrian Monk: What is your problem?
Harold Krenshaw: What is your problem?

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God.
Natalie: What? What is it? I think somebody is killing off my therapy group.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you're smiling.
Adrian Monk: Sorry. Somebody is killing off my therapy group.
Natalie: You're still smiling.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, you're not a killer.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure?
Natalie: Yes, of course I am.
Adrian Monk: What if Harold is right? It all fits. I know 1,000 ways to kill people. And I have a motive. I admit it. I want Dr. Bell to myself.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, it couldn't be you. You have an alibi.
Adrian Monk: What alibi? I was here. I was alone.
Natalie: No, you weren't alone. You were with yourself.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't alone, I was with myself?
Natalie: Exactly. You would know if you were sneaking out and killing people. That's the kind of thing that people tend to remember.
Adrian Monk: Maybe not. I black out sometimes. You've seen it. Sometimes five hours go by, and I don't know where I've been.
Natalie: That's true, but it's always triggered by something, like you've seen yourself naked, or you saw a documentary on the Nature Channel. Just stop. Look at me! Look at me! It wasn't you. It couldn't have been you.

Harold Krenshaw: Please stop touching me.
Adrian Monk: I'm not touch- You're touching me.
Harold Krenshaw: I'm not touching you. You're touching me. Just stay on your side.
Adrian Monk: I'm- I don't have a side!
Harold Krenshaw: Just back up four or five millimeters. Okay, that's your side. Now, this is my side. From that end of the spare tire. To the jumper cables. Stay over there, and we'll be fine.
Adrian Monk: My side's carpeted.
Harold Krenshaw: My side's quieter.
Adrian Monk: That's impossible.
Harold Krenshaw: Your side has the muffler, so my side is quieter.
Adrian Monk: Oh, grow up!
Harold Krenshaw: You grow up.
Adrian Monk: I don't feel like it.

Dr. Bell: Maybe there's another way around this? Let's see now. Wait a minute. This policy only applies to private sessions. You can join a group session. That's a new category. It's like starting over.
Adrian Monk: Group?
Dr. Bell: Yes. Now, I have one group that deals specifically with phobias and obsessive behavior. They meet twice weekly like clockwork.
Adrian Monk: There would be other people there?
Dr. Bell: Yes, it's a group. It's a group of people. Actually, this policy change might be a blessing in disguise. I think you could really benefit from this.
Adrian Monk: They don't like me.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, they haven't met you.
Adrian Monk: They don't like me! I can't do it.
Dr. Bell: All right. Sorry to hear that. I hope you reconsider, cause I think you'd get a lot out of it.