Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I couldn't agree with you more. I think you guys are entitled to every dime you can get. But there's nothing I can do about it. Lieutenant Disher is the disbursement coordinator.
Natalie: Okay, where is he? He's not here, he called in sick.
Adrian Monk: Is he okay?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, he didn't sound too good, he's got a fever and he's got a cough.
Adrian Monk: That phlegmy fluid thing?
Natalie: Okay, when Randy is not here, who is in charge of payout?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That would be the assistant disbursement coordinator.
Natalie: And who is that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: We don't have one. Anything else?
Adrian Monk: Nah, that covers it.

Security Guard: All right, people. Bracelets. Let me see 'em. Bracelets, people. Keep your arms up, see your bracelets.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't have a bracelet, all I have is this.
Security Guard: How can I help you?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm looking for my son. He's 15.
Security Guard: 15.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, wearing a gray T-shirt. Uh, he's about 5'6".
Security Guard: 5'6", 15.
Natalie: Isn't he 16?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, right, he's 16.
Security Guard: Okay, 16.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Brown hair.
Security Guard: Brown hair.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wearing an earring.
Security Guard: Which ear?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh...
Natalie: Left ear.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Left ear.
Security Guard: Left ear earring. Hey, listen, you got a picture?
Captain Stottlemeyer: We can make copies and pass it out. Yeah, good idea. [takes wallet out] Yeah. See if I can help you out here. That's his mom. That's Jared. Jared Stottlemeyer.
Security Guard: He's 16, this kid?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, that's- That's an old picture.
Security Guard: You don't have anything more recent?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh... No, I guess not.
Security Guard: All right, look, I'm gonna do what I can. Meanwhile, you guys take these. You'll have full access, backstage, wherever you want. If you still can't find him, we'll make an announcement from the stage.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Appreciate it.

Captain Stottlemeyer: [to Natalie] What? You think I don't spend enough time with Jared. Why, because I haven't got a bunch of pictures of him? Doesn't mean anything. How many pictures of Julie do you walk around with? Ah, I get it. You think I'm avoiding the boys on purpose because I feel guilty about the separation. And the fact that I'm dating Linda. Is that it? Don't you ever shut up? Okay, look, you go that way, keep your cell phone on. Give me a call if you find him.

Adrian Monk: Excuse me. Excuse me! There's no dancing here! Uh, this is a parking area. This is for vehicles, and people waiting for the captain. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.
Man: That's right, you don't.
Adrian Monk: [to a couple kissing] What are you doing? Oh, hey, hey! This is the police captain's car! How old are you? There's no way you're 25.

Adrian Monk: Try to minimize the roughhousing! Can we?

Kendra Frank: His real name was Greg Murray. Look, they're trying to say that he OD'd, okay? That's impossible.
He's been clean for 17 months. I know, I talk to him about it every day.
Natalie: Well, Kendra, we were there, we saw a needle in his arm.
Kendra Frank: No, that's how I know there's something wrong. Stork was completely phobic about needles. He was the only roadie I've ever met that didn't even have one tattoo. I mean, he missed a whole South American tour last year because he wouldn't get vaccinated.
Natalie: Maybe he got over it.
Kendra Frank: You don't just get over a phobia like that overnight. Do you?
Adrian Monk: No, you don't.

Adrian Monk: Did he say anything else?
Kendra Frank: Please, Annie, I have to know.
Acupuncturist: He asked me where he could score some H.
Adrian Monk: Heroin. H, heroin starts with an H. It's a street talk...
Natalie: Got that.
Acupuncturist: He said he was giving up. He wanted to get high. He said he used to be afraid of needles, but he got over it.
Kendra Frank: I don't believe this.
Acupuncturist: Well, I guess he's with Kurt, Jimmy, and Janis now.
Adrian Monk: Who?
Natalie: I'll tell you later.

Acupuncturist: Well, then he paid me and left.
Adrian Monk: Did he talk to anyone else?
Acupuncturist: No. Oh, no, but when he left, he stopped to help some kids, some girl, she had a beach ball. She was having trouble, so he blew it up for her.
Adrian Monk: A blue beach ball?
Acupuncturist: I think so.
Adrian Monk: He blew that up? Thing almost killed me. I hate that beach ball.

Medic: This should help, just rub this in twice a day. Did he really touch a heat lamp? Why?
Natalie: I don't know.
Medic: What about the other hand?
Natalie: He kept touching it. I don't know.

Medic: They found him in a Port-A-John. Can you believe it?
Natalie: I know, we were there when it happened.
Medic: He was so young. Overdose. The medical examiner should be here soon. If you could just step back.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no, it's... It's okay, I'm a police officer. At least, I used to be. There's no mud.
Natalie: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: On his boots. There's no mud. There was mud all around those outhouses.
Natalie: Yeah, but they carried him out.
Adrian Monk: Okay, but who carried him in?