Adrian Monk: He was furious. I think he followed her down here. They argued, he lost control.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He killed her. He beat her to death right here.
Gordo: Julian Hodge? What about the evidence?
Adrian Monk: He planted it. He framed Pablo Ortiz.
Gordo: Is that possible? How can he plant all that evidence and clean up every trace of himself?
Lieutenant Disher: Actually, he didn't. He missed something. Check this out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: See there was a health inspection the day before. They hung that fly taper in the corner.
Gordo: How did we miss it?
Adrian Monk: We just found it this morning. Behind that radiator. It must've fallen back there during the fight. And look, there's 3 or 4 hair stuck to it.
Lieutenant Disher: And they can't be from Clea Vance because she had long hair.
Adrian Monk: They must belong to Julian Hodge, the real killer. This is the proof we need.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How soon can you do a test on those?
Gordo: I'll get right on it.

Adrian Monk: Hello. I'm on the list.
Bouncer: Name.
Adrian Monk: Puff Daddy. Plus one. This is my girl...friend.
Natalie: Hi.
Bouncer: Puff Daddy, the rapper?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, not that Puff Daddy. This happens to me all the time, doesn't it? All the time.
Natalie: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Let me explain. Where to begin... All right, there are 2 Puff Daddys.
Bouncer: Why don't you change your name?
Adrian Monk: Why doesn't he change his name, is what I'm saying. 'cause I'm older than him. I had it first. One time, a lawyer told me I could sue if I...
Natalie: My daughter's in there. I'm going in.
Adrian Monk: We gotta in there.
Bouncer: Hey!

Adrian Monk: Natalie, don't eat the food. I just saw one of the models back there throwing up.

Captain Stottlemeyer: And for the record, who did these hairs belong to?
Gordo: Pablo Ortiz.
Julian Hodge: Ortiz, isn't that the boy that's already in jail for the murder? Well, I think, gentlemen, we're finished here. Don't mind if I get back to my party.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hang on. Hang on. Gordo, I'm sorry, but you're under arrest. Accessory to murder and falsifying evidence.
Gordo: What?
Adrian Monk: Here's what I couldn't figure out. If you were guilty, how could all the evidence point somewhere else? There could be only one possible answer. There was something wrong with the evidence.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We did some digging, Gordo. You did make a lot of money this year, but it wasn't in real estate.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. When you did the forensic work on the Clea Vance murder, you realized all the evidence pointed to Julian Hodge. You decided to cash in. You made Hodge an offer he was in no position to refuse. For a price, you'd bury the evidence against him. There was only one problem. You had to close the case. You needed a fall guy. Hodge remembered a young delivery boy named Pablo Ortiz, a poor kid, barely spoke any English. He was a perfect patsy. Hodge got Natasia to help him. She called the police and accused Ortiz of stalking her roommate. The police arrested Pablo. They took hair and blood samples and sent them to you. And the rest was easy. All you had to do was relabel them. Pablo never had a chance.
Gordo: You can't prove any of this.
Adrian Monk: We don't have to. You proved it for us 5 minutes ago when you swore that these hair samples belonged to Pablo Oriz.
Julian Hodge: So you planted that hair to test him.
Adrian Monk: Well, yeah.
Gordo: Whose hair was it?
Adrian Monk: It was mine. Natalie pulled it out with a tweezer. She just yanked it out.
Natalie: What was I supposed to do?
Adrian Monk: Could've cut them like I told you.
Natalie: We needed the follicles.
Adrian Monk: No, we didn't need the follicles because we knew he wasn't going to test anything. That was the whole point.
Natalie: Okay, don't be such a baby.
Adrian Monk: It's embarrassing me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, hey.
Adrian Monk: If you listened once in a while.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hang on. Hang on!
Natalie: I am listening.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I forgot what we were doing. Oh, yeah, we're arresting you two.
Lieutenant Disher: You know the drill, Gordo.

Julian Hodge: So, it's true what they say, huh? You can never judge a person by how they dress.
Natalie: Well, you know what, let me tell you what you are gonna be wearing. I hope you like orange. It's a little jumpsuit thing. Has a number right here. You can wear it anywhere really. Indoors, walking around the yard.

Shirt Salesman: How can I repay you, Mr. Monk? I have no money.
Adrian Monk: Now that you mention it, it is only 2:30. If we left now, you could be back at work at 3:15, put in a couple of hours, inspect what, 90, maybe 100 shirts.
Shirt Salesman: But I took the day off.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. You don't wanna do that, no. You're inspector number 8. You have a lot of people depending on you.
Natalie: Monk, I'm sure they would like to visit, you know, catch up.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, there's plenty of time. They have a whole weekend for that. Unless you wanna work on Saturday. Puedes trabajar Saturday? Sabado? Domingo? Overtime. You like overtime?