Coach Patterson: Hey, Professor. It's showtime.
Sharona: Oh, my God. Keep walking. If he catches up with us, fall to the ground, curl up in a ball and protect your face.
Adrian Monk: No. No, no, no, no. I can't. I can't keep running. Benjy was right. I can't run away from everything.
Coach Patterson: You're gonna be picking up your teeth with your broken fingers.
Adrian Monk: Did you hear that about the teeth and fingers?
Sharona: You want me to call the police?
Adrian Monk: No. No, I've got to do this.

Coach Patterson: You hear that, Mr. Monk? It's 10:00 a.m. At 10:05, you're gonna be waking up in an emergency room.
Sharona: No!
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Coach Patterson: What do you mean, wait? Come on! We're fightin' here!
Adrian Monk: Wait. Just cut it out for a minute, will ya? I'm thinking here.
Coach Patterson: I'm thinking too. I'm thinking about punching your lights out.
Sharona: Will you shut up? Shut up. Did you solve the case?
Adrian Monk: Thank you. Thank you.
Coach Patterson: For what?
Adrian Monk: I couldn't have done it without you. I'm gonna give your boy an "A."
Coach Patterson: Really? Well, all right then. So, who won here?

Lieutenant Disher: Mr. Philby, you're under arrest for murder in the first degree, special circumstances.
Derek Philby: [scoffs] Come on. That's insane. I told you. I was...
Adrian Monk: Proctoring the S.A.T.s at the time. We know. It took me forever to figure out how you pulled it off. But then it hit me. You killed Beth Landow before the test started. You met her on the clock tower roof that morning at about 8:00, twenty minutes before the test. Then you killed her, and you carried her body down the stairs to the clock room. This was inspired. She fell, all right, but not from the roof. She fell from the clock. You laid her body out on the minute hand. It was 8:15, so the hand was perfectly horizontal. The S.A.T.s were to begin at 8:20. You had five minutes to get back to the classroom. Plenty of time. And you let gravity do the rest. It was just like one of your science experiments.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You took a pretty big risk, Philby, hiding the body in plain sight.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't such a bad bet. That side of the tower faced the athletic field, which on a Saturday morning was completely deserted. Tick tock, until 8:25, when the body slid off the clock and landed on your car. You made sure that the alarm was activated so that everyone would know exactly when she fell. It was a perfect alibi. There was only one problem. The groundskeeper just happened to see you.
Sharona: But you took care of him later.
Derek Philby: I told you, Mr. Monk, a theory is just that unless you have some proof.
Adrian Monk: It's true. I don't have any proof. But you do. It's in your hand.
Derek Philby: Oh! You see, l I found these on the roof. I think they're Beth Landow's. I think you're looking for them.
Adrian Monk: You didn't find them on the roof. You found them in the clock room under the gearbox, because I put them there two hours ago. Only Beth Landow's killer would have known to look for them there. QED. Quod erat demonstrandum. "Thus it is proved".

Lunch Lady: Mixed vegetables or mac-cheese?
Sharona: Can I have both?
Adrian Monk: Can I have neither?

Adrian Monk: Why would anyone park here with all these broken bottles? He could have parked anywhere.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've parked on broken bottles before.
Adrian Monk: And the doors are unlocked.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. It's a safe neighborhood.
Adrian Monk: You're right. It is a safe neighborhood. So why was the alarm turned on?