Adrian Monk: You see that? The Class of'77.
Sharona: We had one of these murals in our high school too. Everybody painted a little piece of it.
Adrian Monk: Trudy painted these flowers.
Sharona: How can you tell?
Adrian Monk: I can tell.

Coach Patterson: I'm gunnin' for you, pal. When you least expect me, that's when you can expect me.
Adrian Monk: Uh, wait, wait. Uh, I'm sorry. Uh, when I least expect what?
Coach Patterson: Expect me when you least expect me.
Adrian Monk: But that doesn't make sense, though.
Coach Patterson: Uh... When the time comes, it'll make perfect sense.
Adrian Monk: [to Sharona] Do you know what the hell he was talking about?

Captain Stottlemeyer: Somebody burnt the toast.
Lieutenant Disher: What do you think?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think it's weird. Guy worked at the same school. We got two dead people. That's weird.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Weird.

Adrian Monk: Uh, l-I don't think he was lighting a fire.
Fire Marshal: You don't?
Adrian Monk: No. It was pretty warm last night.
Sharona: That's true. Benjy didn't even use his comforter.
Adrian Monk: Plus, the air conditioner is on.
Lieutenant Disher: He's right. It's on.
Adrian Monk: And the flue wasn't open. This was murder. This was... This premeditated... Excuse me. [smashes the one remaining pane of glass in a window frame] You'll thank me later.

Kyle: This is Sherman's march. This is them burning down Atlanta.
Adrian Monk: And what's that?
Kyle: That's a cannon.
Adrian Monk: I mean, next to the cannon.
Kyle: A tank.
Adrian Monk: A tank, Kyle?
Kyle: It's a Sherman tank. It's General Sherman, Sherman's march, Sherman tank.
Adrian Monk: Ha. Huh. I don't think the Union Army had tanks, Kyle.
Kyle: Well, my Dad helped me with it!
Adrian Monk: I could be wrong.

Adrian Monk: This has gotta be it.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: This is Trudy's tree. She used to talk about it all the time. She said she used to get here early and sit down under it and write poems. Poems about me.
Sharona: I thought you didn't meet her until later.
Adrian Monk: Oh, she didn't know they were about me until we met. That's what she used to say.

Coach Patterson: Monk! Come here.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he was right. I wasn't expecting him, and here he is. Get in the car. Here we go.
Sharona: You're just gonna run away?
Adrian Monk: Absolutely. Join me, won't you?
Coach Patterson: You can run, but you can't hide!
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. I can hide. Don't think I can't hide. He thinks I can't hide.
Sharona: He doesn't know who he's messing with. Nobody hides like you.

Sharona: Adrian, what are you doing?
Adrian Monk: The carrots and the potatoes were touching.
Sharona: Would you like separate plates?
Adrian Monk: Of course I would.

Sharona: Adrian? Remember Beth Landow's doctor's appointment? Well, it was with a Dr. Sedlik. So I called my friend Maureen, whose roommate's sister knows a nurse who works for him.
Adrian Monk: And?
Sharona: She pulled her file for me.
Adrian Monk: Is that ethical?
Sharona: Do you care?
Adrian Monk: No, I thought I should ask because the kid's here.

Derek Philby: Mr. Monk, you had a question.
Adrian Monk: If you wouldn't mind.
Derek Philby: That's what teachers do satisfy curiosity.
Adrian Monk: Did you know Beth Landow was pregnant when she died?
Derek Philby: No. No, I didn't, but that would explain why she jumped, wouldn't it? The baby's father, whoever he was, must have run out on her, huh?
Adrian Monk: You. You were the father.
Derek Philby: Unfortunately, you can't prove that, Mr. Monk. Her body's already been cremated.
Adrian Monk: What did she do, threaten to tell your wife? You would have lost everything your new job, family...
Derek Philby: Again, impossible to prove. I think you're failing this course, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: I think I'm doing all right. I have a motive now.
Derek Philby: Well, you're gonna have to do a little better than that, Mr. Monk, because you're in a science classroom now, and when you're in my classroom, if you have a theory, you'd better have some proof to back it up. I was proctoring the S.A.T. test when that poor girl died. I never left the room. Okay? If that mouse vanished, you could think that the snake did it. I mean, he's got motive. He's hungry; he likes to eat mice... But he's in a separate cage. There's no way that the snake could have done it. It is one of the immutable laws of physics, Mr. Monk, nothing can be in two places at the same time. Any thoughts?
Adrian Monk: I think the snake did it.