Adrian Monk: Do you have pliers?
Natalie: What for?
Adrian Monk: Huh, that antenna, it's bent.
Natalie: So what?
Adrian Monk: Well, we could straighten it out. It'll just take a second.
Natalie: Well, it's none of our business. Forget about it.
Adrian Monk: I happen to believe that all men are brothers. Every man's bent antenna diminishes me.
Natalie: What are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Natalie: Maybe he likes it like that. You don't know. Maybe he did it himself.
Adrian Monk: He didn't bend his own antenna. People don't like things bent. People like things straight. Nice and straight. And even.
Natalie: I'll tell you what people like, Mr. Monk. People like people who mind their own business. Every time I poke my nose some place, I end up regrettin' it. It's bad karma. I will be right back. Stay here. Stay. Good boy.

Agent Grooms: Captain, please stay in the vehicle until we get to the cabin.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you afraid of, Grooms? A sharp-shooting raccoon with a high-powered rifle?

Adrian Monk: [groans]
Natalie: What? Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I should tell you. I'm afraid of places.
Natalie: You're always someplace. This is your own fault. You should have stayed in the car. Now we're in the middle of nowhere, my kid has to stay with my parents and she is missing a whole week of school. You've got some drug lord with a price on your head plus you broke that guy's antenna. I know you mean well, but you're bad karma.
Adrian Monk: Bad karma. Yeah, bad, bad.

Natalie: Look, are you thirsty?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Natalie: Uh, here. I've got some water. I- I brought two cases in the back.
Adrian Monk: I can only drink Sierra Springs.
Natalie: What? What, is it like some medical thing?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Natalie: Bought the wrong water.

Shopkeeper: You folks just passin' through?
Adrian Monk: I'm... I'm a hunter. I'm gonna do some hunting.
Kathy Willowby: The season doesn't start for three months.
Adrian Monk: I know. Uh, I like to get here early, get a good spot.
Kathy Willowby: What are you gonna do, squat in the woods for 12 weeks?

Natalie: Mr. Conway, we have to go. Mr. Conway? Mr. Conway? Mr. Conway? Frank? Frank! Hello! Mr. Conway, we have to go!
Adrian Monk: Sorry.
Natalie: I've been calling you for five minutes.
Adrian Monk: Then I should have answered you, because that is my name. Frank Conway.

Agent Grooms: As of this moment, we are closed off from the outside world.
Adrian Monk: Can we see the rest of it?
Agent Grooms: This is it. Look, I know it's not the Four Seasons, but we've all seen worse.
Adrian Monk: I actually don't think I have.

Agent Grooms: It's no picnic for me, either, but I suggest we all try to make the best of it. Try to think of it like a little vacation, hmm?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay.
Adrian Monk: I can't do this. I can't live like this. I wanna go home.
Natalie: You go home now, you'll get shot in the head.
Adrian Monk: Hmm. Shot in the head.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Top or bottom?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Um...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, I'll flip a coin. Heads or tails?
Adrian Monk: Um...

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk, have a seat.
Adrian Monk: I'll sit when I get home.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Suit yourself.
Martin Willowby: [shouts] Hey there, Mr. Conway. [Monk waves]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, I could get used to this.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it's nice. You know what would make it even nicer?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hmm?
Adrian Monk: If we were someplace else.