Captain Stottlemeyer: Dr. G is guesstimating around 1:00 a.m. at the latest. Probably midnight. Is this a bad time?
Lieutenant Disher: It's this MagnaPod. The thing's brand-new and it keeps getting stuck. I can get to the menu, but every time I press play, it just goes... I'm gonna put it away now. We've got work to do.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And what happened to your gun?
Lieutenant Disher: Right here, back pocket. Well, I use my gun, what, maybe once a year. Use this all the time. I bet I can guess what you're thinking.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I bet you can't.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! Hey.
Adrian Monk: There should be a law against murdering people on a beach.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Did she say anything?
Peter Magneri: Yes. Something about a matter of life and death.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you didn't let her in?
Peter Magneri: What, are you crazy? Everybody wants a piece of me. Everybody's problem's a matter of life and death.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I know. Happens to us all the time. Everybody wants something. Listen, while we are here, when I press play on this thing, why does it keep sending me back to the menu?
Peter Magneri: I have no idea. Call customer service.
Lieutenant Disher: No, no, no. Ha ha. They kept me on hold for an hour and a half. Look, my warranty just expired. If you could take a quick look at it-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lieutenant! Holster your MP3. That's an order.

Adrian Monk: Look at him, out there in public.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's a nude beach!
Peter Magneri: It's repugnant.
Adrian Monk: That's the word. Repugnant.
Peter Magneri: Degenerate.
Adrian Monk: That's the other word. Degenerate!
Natalie: Don't you think that's a little bit harsh?
Adrian Monk: We're being polite.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, there's been something I've been trying to tell you. When I was 19-
Adrian Monk: Is this gonna be a long story?
Natalie: Please let me finish. I was an exchange student in Greece. And there was this beautiful beach that was about three blocks away that I went to all the time.
Adrian Monk: Great.
Natalie: And this is the thing, Mr. Monk. Um, it was a European beach. Which means topless.
Adrian Monk: I don't care. I had a breakthrough.
Natalie: I was a nudist, Mr. Monk. I was one of them. I went back four years ago, so technically I guess I still am one. I was in the cabal.
Adrian Monk: No, Natalie, forget that.
Natalie: I mean, maybe it means you can't work with me anymore, but I don't care. I'm not apologizing for it. I met the best people. It was the most amazing time of my life.
Adrian Monk: Great. Natalie, listen. I am not that guy anymore. It's okay. I had an amazing session with Dr. Kroger. I went back. I went way back. Way, way, way, way, way back, back. Back, back, back, back, back. And I got past it. This whole naked thing. I understand it now.
Natalie: Wow.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. And guess what I just did? I walked through Bishop Park. You know, the big statue? The nude statue of the nude woman? I looked right at it.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the statue in Bishop Park is a man.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I glanced at it. But I wasn't completely and totally repulsed. I didn't black out. And I didn't throw up!
Natalie: Wow. You know, there's a word for that. Progress.
Adrian Monk: Progress, that's me. Only 312 other issues to go!
Natalie: Well, I guess we'll just take 'em one at a time.
Adrian Monk: Let's start with dryer lint.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Miss Boras. Good afternoon.
Arlene Boras: What are you doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Searching your apartment. The yellow copy is for you and your lawyer.
Adrian Monk: You worked at St. Andrews Hospital, is that right?
Natalie: You were an X-ray technician.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Did you ever meet Peter Magneri?
Arlene Boras: Who?
Lieutenant Disher: Peter Magneri. He founded Magneri Computers. They make these.
Arlene Boras: I thought yours broke.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I bought another one. 90 gigs. Life's too short, right? [music plays]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Magneri had a checkup July 23rd. That's four days before you quit.
[flashback:]
Peter Magneri: I got a clean bill of health from St. Andrews three weeks ago. They checked me for everything, head to toe.
[present:]
Arlene Boras: We just spoke to the SEC. Apparently, since July, you've been very interested in the Magneri company, except you haven't been investing. You've been selling short. You've been betting against the company. Randy, turn it off.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm sorry. It won't stop.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie! Thank you for coming. Is he okay?
Natalie: Yeah. Uh, he doesn't like the beach.
Lieutenant Disher: What's he doing?
Natalie: Putting on his sand shoes.
Lieutenant Disher: What are sand shoes?
Natalie: I don't know.

Lieutenant Disher: Oh, hey, like those shoes.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. These are my sand shoes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nice. Oh, look at the sand! Never seen sand quite that color.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what would you call that color?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Sandy. [Stottlemeyer and Natalie laugh]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, look. A sand dollar. No, just a shell. Here she is. Here we go.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Officer! You got that fingernail?
Officer: We found it on that porch over there.
Adrian Monk: Who lives there?
Captain Stottlemeyer: His name is Chance Singer. We haven't found him yet.
Natalie: Officer, XYZ.
Adrian Monk: XYZ?
Natalie: Examine Your Zipper.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I get it. XYZ.

Chance Singer: There we are. Now I'm one of you. Are you happy?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Take it you're a nudist.
Chance Singer: I prefer naturist. You know, social nudity has been around for hundreds of years, gentlemen. Get used to it. There's absolutely no biological necessity for clothing. It's a construct. It's a man-made artifice.
Adrian Monk: XYZ. XYZ. XYZ.
Chance Singer: I'm sorry, I don't know what that means.
Adrian Monk: Examine Your Zipper.
Chance Singer: Maybe you should examine your attitude.