Lieutenant Disher: [on the phone] Yeah, I know. The doctor is in with him right now. We still don't know. Alright, I'll call you later. I love you. [hangs up]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who was that?
Lieutenant Disher: That was the Deputy Commissioner.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Deputy Commissioner, Patrick Watson?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, that's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You said, "I love you."
Lieutenant Disher: I do love him. I think he is doing a great job. I mean, why- Why, you don't think he's...
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think he's doing a fine job, but I don't tell him that I love him.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, maybe you should, it's just common courtesy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's not common courtesy.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I think you're doing a great job. I love you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, Randy. I'm sorry I asked. When you're ready to tell me what it's really going on, don't.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Where the hell is the siren?
Lieutenant Disher: In the back.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's it doing at the back?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I haven't use it for 10 months.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? Did you think the bad guys all retired? That crime is over? What the hell? What is all this crap?
Lieutenant Disher: Yard sale.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You bought all this?
Lieutenant Disher: No, I'm selling it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Selling all this? Hey, are these my barbells?
Lieutenant Disher: No, those are mine.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, I lent you my barbells last year. These are my barbells.
Lieutenant Disher: So I bought the same ones.
Captain Stottlemeyer: With my initials on them?
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, maybe those are yours. Just take them.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not gonna take them now, we're in the middle of thing. Couldn't find the siren.
Lieutenant Disher: I might have sold it.

Adrian Monk: Yeah, this is her parallel parking. Yeah, she's an excellent driver. She's never had a single parking ticket. Yeah, here we are, this is us having lunch. Yeah, she eats out 5 times a week. She's a vegetarian, but she eat fish.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You took all these pictures?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Oh, she is drinking coffee. It's a Kona Blend, sometimes she has the Colombian.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, there's gotta be more than 600 pictures here.
Adrian Monk: Well, the rest are still being developed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You've only known her for 3 days.
Adrian Monk: I feel like I've known her forever. She feels the same way. She actually said that. Oh, yeah, these are her adoptive parents. That's, uh, Andy and Beth. They are great. He's a little bit overweight, but, uh, he's a retired ophthalmologist. Oh, yeah, this is her new boyfriend, Kyle. He's 2 years younger than she is. She doesn't know how he feels about that. And this is- This is her telling me not to take so many pictures. This is her trying to take the camera away. Oh, and guess what else? You know the Internet? She's on it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? She make the cut?
Adrian Monk: Oh yeah, yeah. She has her own website. It is called a "blog". Really. Yeah, that's what it's called. A "blog". You know, you can look up all her old movie reviews. Randy, you like movies, so you- you- you just, uh, type in, uh, "MollyEvansReviews" and then a "." and "com".

Captain Stottlemeyer: [takes paper from Randy] What is this? "Leland". You're writing me a letter? "Dear Leland,"
Lieutenant Disher: I've been holding onto it all week. I've just been waiting for the right time. I guess this is the right time.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, when did this happen?
Lieutenant Disher: I've been talking to them for a few months.
Adrian Monk: What's going on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy's leaving us. He's taking another job.
Natalie: What?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. You're looking at the new Police Chief of Summit, New Jersey.
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: Police Chief? Wow, congratulations!
Adrian Monk: Congratulations. Nicely done, Chief.
Lieutenant Disher: Thank you. Captain, so what do you think? You think I'm ready?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't think anything. I know that you are ready. You are gonna be great.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I had a great teacher. I'm talking about you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know what you meant, Randy. Thank you, Randy.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Um, why New Jersey?
Natalie: Oh, I think I know the answer to that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sharona.
Adrian Monk: Sharona?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You and Sharona?
Lieutenant Disher: We've got a place, we're moving in, and...
Captain Stottlemeyer: That is perfect. This is perfect. You and Sharona. I knew it. Well, I didn't actually know it, but I know I kind of know it.
Lieutenant Disher: Thanks, you guys. Thank you.

Lt. Steven Albright: Natalie, are you all right?
Natalie: I don't know. I don't feel so good. Oh, spots. I'm seeing spots. Oh, my God. Ah, it's the poison. It's the same as Mr. Monk.
Lt. Steven Albright: I don't understand, I've been with you all day, you haven't eaten a thing.
Natalie: [looks at the wipe in her hand] Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Natalie? Babe, what is it?
Natalie: Rickover. Ethan Rickover. At the hearing, Mr. Monk dropped a wipe.
[flashback:]
Judge Ethan Rickover: I thought you were sick.
Adrian Monk: I'm feeling much better, much, much better. [drops wipe]
[present:]
Natalie: He used his pen. He didn't want to touch it. Oh God, it was in the wipes.
Lt. Steven Albright: That's how we missed it. We assumed it's the food. We gotta get you to the hospital. We have the source now. We can break it down. We'll have an antidote in 2 hours.
Natalie: And Mr. Monk?
Lt. Steven Albright: He'll be fine.
Natalie: You gotta tell him. You gotta call him.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Natalie: Cutting out the recipe. I'm making dinner for Steven. You wanna come? You should come.
Adrian Monk: Ah, no, thank you.
Natalie: I didn't poison you. It was on the wipes.
Adrian Monk: I know, I can't go anyway, I have plans.
Natalie: Uh-huh. What kind of plans?
Adrian Monk: With Molly. We're going to the movies.
Natalie: You're going to the movies?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Natalie: [emotional] Adrian Monk is going to the movies?
Adrian Monk: Why are you crying, is that so strange?
Natalie: It's not strange at all. That's why I'm crying. What are you gonna see?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Whatever is in theater 10.
Natalie: Okay, all right, that's more like it. That's Adrian Monk, we know and love.

Natalie: Sweetie, that's the wrong pillow.
Lt. Steven Albright: It is?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, he needs his Trudy pillow. It's in the closet. It's in a plastic case. She slept on it, and he can still smell her.
Lt. Steven Albright: Wow, is that Trudy's car?
Natalie: Yeah. Well, at least he knows. If he doesn't make it, at least he'll die knowing.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, I'm so sorry. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Ethan Rickover.
Natalie: What are you gonna do? Mr. Monk, let's just call the captain.
Adrian Monk: Why didn't she tell me?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, everybody has secrets. She loved you. She didn't want to disappoint you.
Adrian Monk: And that tape has been on my bookshelf this whole time. I've been looking at it for... [coughs] For 12 years. [coughs]
Natalie: Mr. Monk, look at you, you can't go anywhere.
Adrian Monk: I'm going.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, come on, you're sick.
Adrian Monk: I'm not gonna die. I'm not gonna die. Not yet.

Judge Ethan Rickover: Well, Mr. Monk, what a surprise. I heard you were sick.
Adrian Monk: No, no. No, I'm- I'm feeling much better. [Monk drops his wipe] Much, much better.
Judge Ethan Rickover: [picks up wipe with a pen] Oh, that's a relief. So, you came all the way downtown, just to cheer me on? That's nice.
Adrian Monk: I'm here because you killed my wife.
Judge Ethan Rickover: I'm sorry?
Adrian Monk: You heard me. Trudy Ellison. She was a student of yours at Berkeley. You had an affair with her. She got pregnant. And 12 years ago, when you were nominated for the Appellate Court, you made sure that story never got out. You killed 2 women. Wendy Straud...
Judge Ethan Rickover: Uh-huh.
Adrian Monk: Was the midwife at the birth. And my wife.
Judge Ethan Rickover: [laughs] Well, they told me to expect this. They said that at every confirmation hearing, the nuts just come out of woodwork.