‘Mr. Monk and the Big Reward’
Season 4, Episode 13 - Aired February 3, 2006
With their finances stretched thin, Natalie begs Monk to investigate the disappearance of a priceless diamond in the hopes of clinching a million-dollar reward.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Cashier: Sir, do you have a different card? It says declined.
Adrian Monk: Declined?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, do you have any money in the bank?
Adrian Monk: No.
Natalie: That could be it.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: Come on, you need to put some stuff back.
Adrian Monk: No, I can't. Look, I, I I made a list. Everything here is on the list.
Natalie: I know, I know. We're gonna come back later and pick it up. Come on, people are waiting.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Uh, this then. Oh, wait, no. I need this. Oh, this. Gotta have this spray.
Natalie: All right, how about how about one of these? [holds tow cans]
Adrian Monk: Yeah, this one. No, no. Um, no. Let's go with that one.
Natalie: All right.
Adrian Monk: Oh, wait a second.
Man: [o.s.] Come on, hurry up!
Adrian Monk: It's like Sophie's choice. Except it's soup.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: I'm not good at this, asking for more money.
Natalie: Okay, then let me do the talking.
Adrian Monk: I'm not good at that either.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you deserve a raise. You've solved a lot of big cases for them single-handedly.
Adrian Monk: Maybe I helped a little.
Natalie: No, no, no, no. You can't think like that. You gotta brag about yourself. You gotta toot your own horn.
Adrian Monk: I'm not much of a tooter.
Natalie: You better learn how to toot.
Adrian Monk: Toot's a funny word.
Natalie: Hilarious.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Oh, hello. Gladys. Natalie Teeger, this is Gladys. Gladys is great. Gladys has been cleaning up around here for years. I used to help her out in my spare time. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Remember?
Gladys: Yeah. Until I got that restraining order. Remember?
Adrian Monk: Good times. Good times. You have to get underneath, right, Gladys? Under?
Gladys: Why? Nobody ever looks there.
Adrian Monk: But you'll know it's clean. Isn't that its own reward? You'll know.
Gladys: The captain says I don't have to talk to you.
Adrian Monk: I know, I know. But under, okay? Under the table.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Lieutenant Disher: Robbery division asked us to help out, so we're taking statements from everybody on site.
Adrian Monk: So you're not arresting him about the drugs?
Lieutenant Disher: Uh, no. What drugs?
Adrian Monk: His fingertips are stained. Looks like red phosphorous. You get that from making crystal meth. He's gotta have a lab somewhere.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, I'll check it out. Excuse me, Mr. Landis. Could you come here, please? If the captain needs me, I'll be in interrogation room B. Uh, right this way. [walks off]
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: You know what. You just solved that case for free.
Adrian Monk: What was I supposed to do
Natalie: Well, if you're selling ice cream, would you hand out free scoops?
Adrian Monk: What was I supposed to say? "Hey, Lieutenant, there's a drug dealer somewhere in this room. I'll tell you who it is for $20."
Natalie: At least we'd have $20.
Quote from Natalie
Natalie: Okay, Captain, come on, we can't just sit around waiting for the phone to ring. It's not fair to us. We have no security.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you want me to do?
Natalie: We wanna be put on retainer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Natalie: Yeah, a retainer like a lawyer. We want a guaranteed income. Look, it doesn't have to be much. We just need a little security.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. Okay, I'll see what I can do. But don't get your hopes up, okay?
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Captain Stottlemeyer: Anything else?
Adrian Monk: It's about Gladys.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Have you been talking to Gladys?
Adrian Monk: Captain...
Captain Stottlemeyer: I told you not to talk to Gladys.
Adrian Monk: She's not cleaning under the tables again.
[A wet sponge is thrown at the wall, narrowly missing Monk's head]
Adrian Monk: I think you should talk to her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I will. About her aim.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Lieutenant Disher: You were right. I get this guy in the room, he's denying everything. He's twitching, he's nervous. I threaten to get a search warrant and tear his house apart. I pick up the phone, I start to dial, he collapses. He gave it all up. Crystal meth lab in his basement. Narcotics is on their way over. I owe you one.
Adrian Monk: Okay. [off Natalie's look] What?
Natalie: You know what.
Adrian Monk: Oh, the thing? About the ice cream and the free scoops?
Natalie: That's right.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Something's off here.
Natalie: What is it?
Adrian Monk: Glass shards on the inside. When that case was shattered, this case was open. I think they took this weapon, used it, and put it back and relocked the case.
Natalie: What does that tell us?
Adrian Monk: A lot. It means it was an inside job. And they didn't want us to know it was an inside job.
Natalie: [giggles] Ka-ching!
Adrian Monk: What does that mean?
Natalie: It means we're gonna be rich. Ka-ching.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, sir. Did anything unusual happen Tuesday before the break-in? Anything at all out of the ordinary?
Museum Official: Now that you mention it, Tuesday afternoon I heard, or I thought I heard somebody whispering. Whispering? It wasn't in this room, it was down the hallway. It was about 2:30. I was standing about there. And I thought I heard someone saying, "My womb."
Adrian Monk: "My room"?
Museum Official: "My womb." It was a man's voice. And he was saying it over and over.
Adrian Monk: "My womb."
Museum Official: I thought it was coming from that vent, but it's impossible. I think I'm going senile. I'm sorry, I've got to take this.