Harold Krenshaw: Excuse me! He has 20 items.
Adrian Monk: It's only one item. They're all the same.
Harold Krenshaw: But you're buying 20.
Adrian Monk: But it's the same item.
Harold Krenshaw: But you're buying 20.
Adrian Monk: Of the same item.
Harold Krenshaw: There's the sign. It doesn't say 12 different items.
Cashier: I think it's 12 items total.
Harold Krenshaw: Thank you.
Natalie: Here, I'm buying the first ten, and he's buying the rest.
Harold Krenshaw: Well played, Adrian, well played.

Natalie: I don't understand. What did you think when you woke up? In that costume, twenty-four stories high?
Harold Krenshaw: It was pretty confusing. It was a very confusing few minutes. It was probably the most confusing two or three minutes of my life.
Natalie: Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you say, "Excuse me! Somebody just pushed me off the roof"?
Adrian Monk: Because of me. He was trying to drive me crazy.
Harold Krenshaw: It wasn't you, Adrian. I know this is hard to understand, but not everything is always about you. It's about my family, my little boy. He was so proud of me. Everybody was making such a fuss. I didn't know what had happened or why. I just I knew that it felt pretty good. Plus... It was driving you insane.
Natalie: Harold, he just saved your life.
Harold Krenshaw: Thank you.
Natalie: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: You're welcome. Glad you're... Okay.

Moderator: Next, we'll hear from her opponent, Mr. Harold Krenshaw.
Harold Krenshaw: Hello. I'm Harold Krenshaw. You all know me. You know where I stand. Reduce the budget, lower taxes. If that means consolidating a few of our schools, then that's what we have to do. Yeah.
Moderator: Okay. Who has the first question? Please state your name.
Adrian Monk: My name is Adrian Monk. Uh, my question is for Mr. Krenshaw. Mr. Krenshaw, during this campaign, you have made a number of statements. I wonder if you might be able to substantiate one of those statements for us right now. You said that you have been to Dr. Kroger's house.
Natalie: Oh, God.
Harold Krenshaw: That's right.
Adrian Monk: In fact, I believe you said that you had Christmas dinner with him last year.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: But Dr. Kroger is Jewish. He doesn't celebrate Christmas, does he, Mr. Krenshaw?
Harold Krenshaw: His first wife, Alisha, was Jewish. But Madeline, his fiancee, is Irish Catholic. They celebrate both.
Adrian Monk: His fiancee?
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah. I introduced them.
Adrian Monk: That is a lie. Dr. Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee. Let me repeat that for you. Dr.
Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee.
Harold Krenshaw: Go to hell, Monk.
Adrian Monk: You- You can go to hell. You go to hell!
Harold Krenshaw: You! You!
Moderator: Okay. Thank you. Natalie, you have 30 seconds for rebuttal.
Natalie: Uh, l I don't know where Dr. Kroger is this evening, but our prayers are with him.

Harold Krenshaw: It's killing you, isn't it?
Adrian Monk: How did you do it, Harold? You've always been afraid of heights. You got vertigo when Dr. Kroger put in thicker carpet, remember?
Harold Krenshaw: I'm cured.
Adrian Monk: How?
Harold Krenshaw: It wasn't easy. I'll be honest with you. I don't think you can do it. You don't have it in you. It takes strength. I'm not talking about physical strength, although I've got plenty of that. I'm talking about... it.
Adrian Monk: It?
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah. The right stuff. Strength of character. I have it. Neil Armstrong has it. Rocky has it.
Adrian Monk: Rocky was just a movie, Harold.
Harold Krenshaw: Excuse me. I'm a little confused. I just fell off Telegraph Tower. How was your day? Here's what I do know. You don't have it, and you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever will!

Harold Krenshaw: Actually, we have some news too.
Adrian Monk: Right. Well, Harold and I were locked in the trunk, but we dealt with it. We had a real breakthrough. Actually, I- I definitely think we can cross claustrophobia off both of our lists.
Xavier Danko: Dr. Bell, do you believe in God?
Harold Krenshaw: Hey. Excuse me. My friend was just talking. We didn't interrupt you. Go ahead.
Adrian Monk: See, what we realized was the trunk was protecting us from germs.
Harold Krenshaw: Nature.
Adrian Monk: Snakes.
Harold Krenshaw: And my mother...

Harold Krenshaw: Are you next?
Adrian Monk: I'm just waiting for a friend. I've never been here on Tuesday before. I'm here on Mondays. And Fridays. And every other Wednesday. [Monk rearranges some magazines. Harold changes them back] What do you think of the new white noise machine?
Harold Krenshaw: I don't like it. It's half-decibel louder.
Adrian Monk: Exactly.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.

Harold Krenshaw: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Just making them even. Two, two and two. That's the way Dr. Kroger likes it.
Harold Krenshaw: Did he tell you that? I didn't think so. No, Dr. Kroger and I have a system. We, we arrange them by titles.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Harold Krenshaw: So this is why I have to fix it every time I come in.
Adrian Monk: I was just about to say the same thing.
Harold Krenshaw: Right up here.
Adrian Monk: Stop acting like a child now.
Harold Krenshaw: You are being ridiculous. You are spiraling-
Adrian Monk: Not only do you have serious control issues, you're a pathological liar.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, you are a fool.
Adrian Monk: Because I know... I have known Dr. Kroger for a much longer time than you. Don't drop it on the floor! Well, now, now we have to throw it out.
Harold Krenshaw: You're being ridiculous. This goes up here.
Adrian Monk: You're very selfish.

Adrian Monk: Dr. Kroger, thank God. Haven't I- Mm. Haven't I always, had the eight o'clock time slot on Friday?
Harold Krenshaw: Dr. K, would you tell this lunatic what you told me? You said, and I quote, "Harold, we will finish this discussion the first thing on Friday."
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] Listen to this. He didn't mean, "the first session on Friday". He meant the first thing during your regular thing during your regular session, right?
Harold Krenshaw: Will you look at that? Look at him! He is so ridiculous. He is so jealous. It's like looking right into the face of crazy. Look at him! He's acting like a little twelve-year-old.
Adrian Monk: He's acting like a ten-year-old now.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, he's acting like a five-year-old.
Adrian Monk: He's acting like a little-baby-year-old.
Harold Krenshaw: Oh, that doesn't even make any sense. It doesn't.
Dr. Kroger: Okay, Harold. Harold! You may have misunderstood.

Harold Krenshaw: Indecent exposure? There's no such thing. The human body is a beautiful thing! It is beautiful! The whole world is beautiful! You are beautiful. And so are you. Come on, let's all get naked. Let's all get naked! Free yourself! We were born free, just free yourself and let... [two police officers cuff Harold] I'm free.

Harold Krenshaw: I'm talking about your new therapist. The mystery doctor. The genius you're always raving about. Who is he? Just tell me his name.
Adrian Monk: I can't tell you. It's privileged information.
Harold Krenshaw: No, it's not. What happens in the sessions is privileged. His name isn't privileged. People recommend therapists every day. Am I right, Natalie?
Natalie: I don't know, Harold, I'm just waiting for the conversation to be over.
Adrian Monk: Okay, fine, fine. His name is Doctor... Door.
Harold Krenshaw: Doctor Door? Is that the best you could do? I suppose if we were standing over there by that alarm, You would have said Doctor Bell?
Natalie: [does a spittake all over Harold] Oh, God, Harold. I'm so sorry!
Harold Krenshaw: Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
Natalie: Sorry, I'm sorry.