Brett: What happened to you?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Brett: You move up here, suddenly you're a Condor fan?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I haven't lived in Los Angeles for 30 years, and as far as I'm concerned, L.A. still doesn't have a football team.
Brett: Ooh. You ugly, dumb son of a bitch!
Adrian Monk: Hey, this man is a friend of mine. You wanna make fun of him, you have to make fun of me first.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, they're just fooling. It's okay. They're just... It's just guy talk.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] Yeah, I know. I know. That's what I was doing. I was that's what I was doing. What is up with those yellow teeth? Don't you know how to brush? And you, hey, the moon called It wants all its craters back. From your skin. 'cause you got bad skin.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, hey, what's going on? You guys married?
Cory: Oh, yeah, man. Read 'em and weep. The party's over. What about you, man?
Adrian Monk: Well, he was married, and he got divorced. And then his last girlfriend got arrested for murder. Right, you ugly, dumb, sad, lonely Stupid, sad son of a... Right?