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Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Meets His Dad

Jack Monk: I gotta say something. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and Ambrose. I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm a bad father. That's all that matters.
Adrian Monk: You're not a bad father. Look at Jack Junior.
Jack Monk: He's a putz!
Adrian Monk: What?
Jack Monk: Actually, he's not even a putz. He dreams one day of becoming a putz. He lives downstairs in my basement. He smokes pot all day long. He steals money from my wallet.
Adrian Monk: He's not a doctor?
Jack Monk: No, I made it up. I lied. I wanted to have a son that I could be proud of. I didn't know I had one in San Francisco.

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