Adrian Monk: Adrian Monk for Dr. Sorenson.
Receptionist: Fill this out.
Adrian Monk: It says "List any phobias."
Receptionist: That's right.
Adrian Monk: There are only five spaces.
Receptionist: You can use the back.
Adrian Monk: I might need another sheet. [receptionist hands him one] I might need another sheet. [another] I might need another sheet. [and another]

Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. Maybe it wasn't you. Maybe it was some of your old playmates trying to relive their glory days.
Adrian Monk: Maybe they missed the buzz. You look familiar, Ronnie. Didn't I see you last week at the opera?
Ron Abrash: The opera? What have you been smoking, man?
Adrian Monk: I've been smoking the truth, man!
Ron Abrash: What are you guys doing good cop, crazy cop?

Prosecutor: The bullet definitely came from his gun. It's been tested by two different laboratories.
Judge: Bail is set at $900,000.
[Monk confers with his lawyer]
Lawyer: With the court's permission, could you make it an even million?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God!

Adrian Monk: Just come in! The door's open. [screams as vacuum covers him in dust] Natalie! Natalie! Natalie!
Sharona: Adrian? What happened?
Adrian Monk: Well, it just blew up in my face! Call 911.
Sharona: No, no, no. We don't have to call 911. Just come with me.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I can't see. It's a code red, Natalie.
Sharona: I don't know what code red means.
Adrian Monk: Code red! We talked about this. We had practice drills.
Sharona: Okay, just- You're gonna be fine. Just splash some water on your face. Splash it on your eyes.
[After Monk splashes water on his eyes and finally sees Sharona, he tries cleaning out his eyes again]
Sharona: Hello, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: What year is this?

Adrian Monk: So, how long?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Two, maybe three days. Now, you are gonna feel normal for awhile. Then there's gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [sits down] Vomiting?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: That's right, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: Vomiting?!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Yes, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [wails] Vomiting!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There's gonna be some vomiting and then death.
Adrian Monk: Is there any chance death can come before the vomiting?

Dr. Kroger: Okay. I'm sorry, but, uh, our time is up.
Adrian Monk: Okay, well, I'll see you Thursday.
Dr. Kroger: No! No, uh, don't you remember? I'll be in Costa Rica.
Adrian Monk: Costa Rica?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. For three weeks. It's my vacation.
Adrian Monk: I've never been to Costa Rica.
Dr. Kroger: Uh, no, Adrian. You're not coming. It's a vacation. But if- If you like, I can refer you to another doctor.
Adrian Monk: Uh-
Dr. Kroger: Or- Or not. Or not.
Adrian Monk: Why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Kroger: I did. I told you every week for the past month. But I guess you just, um, blocked it out.
Adrian Monk: Is that possible?
Dr. Kroger: Apparently.
Adrian Monk: I guess I did. I blocked it out. No problem. We'll talk about it on Thursday.

Dr. Kroger: Well, maybe what they're doing makes you think about Trudy, makes you miss Trudy. It's something we've never talked about, Adrian. Your physical relationship with your late wife.
Adrian Monk: I consider that a personal question.
Dr. Kroger: Yes, it is. That's what I do. I- I assume you and Trudy were intimate.
Adrian Monk: We held hands a lot. All the time. Once we woke up holding hands. We'd been holding hands the whole night.
Dr. Kroger: That's sweet. I like that. That's nice. But, Adrian, is there anything else besides the holding hands?
Adrian Monk: Ah, I think we're out of time.
Dr. Kroger: No. Plenty of time.
Adrian Monk: Are those pillows new?
Dr. Kroger: No.
Adrian Monk: They look... new.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I'm your doctor. I think this is important. Now, we've got 20 minutes left. We... We could sit here, we could sing show tunes to each other, or we can talk about your sex life. It's your call.
Adrian Monk: [sings] If ever I would leave you It wouldn't be in summer Seeing you in summer I never would go ... [singing continues] No, no, not in springtime Summer, winter or fall No, never would I leave you At all ... [checks watch, continues singing] If ever I would leave you It wouldn't be in summer

Adrian Monk: Natalie, look at this thing. We've got nature on the run. Finally. Look at that. Look! It's the perfect sandwich! Perfect! There's no overlap. There's no waste. Four 90 degree angles. This will virtually eliminate indigestion.
Natalie: Are you going to help me, or not?
Adrian Monk: You can taste the symmetry!
Natalie: Please!
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't run around looking for a stolen bicycle. I still have some pride left. Not much. But my dignity tank isn't completely empty.

Sharona: "So, Sharona, how are you doing? What have you been up to?" Well, thank you very much for asking. I am still in Jersey. And I'm nursing again.
Adrian Monk: Really? But isn't Benjy like 17?
Sharona: No, I'm working as a nurse.
Adrian Monk: Oh, that's different.

Sharona: You okay?
Adrian Monk: I'm not really in my comfort zone here.
Sharona: You have a comfort zone?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I have a comfort zone.
Sharona: I've never seen a comfort zone.
Adrian Monk: It's not very big. It's, uh It's kind of small. I-I don't have a comfort zone.