‘White Christmas’
Season 7, Episode 9 - Aired December 9, 2015
Gloria wants a traditional, white Christmas now she's an American citizen, so she rents a cabin in the mountains for the whole family. Mitchell and Cameron are determined to make up for a bad caroling performance, Haley and Andy can't keep their hands off each other, and Claire is stunned when Jay makes a major announcement.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Want to talk about betrayal? How about when somebody steals a song and takes it for themselveses?
Alex: I had no idea that you guys were gonna sing that song.
Fig: I did. I heard them rehearsing. I thought there was an animal stuck in the wall.
Cameron: And to think we invited you into our home. We should've left you out in the warm.
Quote from Phil
Claire: I gave up a three-day trip to Cabo to close that Best Western deal.
Phil: That's right. You owe her 25 margaritas!
Claire: Phil!
Phil: 21!
Claire: 21!
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Enough, enough, enough! All I wanted was a white Christmas, and instead, I'm back in Colombia. The heat, the betrayal, people stealing songs! This ends now! Andy, stop whining and be grateful that Haley likes you! She's a stone-cold 10, and you're a Utah 7! Jay, it's time for you and Claire to kiss and make up!
Claire: Why doesn't he kiss Chuck Feeny?!
Gloria: Because there's no Chuck Feeny! He made it up to test you! And if she didn't care, she wouldn't be this upset!
Quote from Jay
Claire: There is no Chuck Feeny?
Jay: It was a dumb idea, but I saw what happened to Don McSorley!
Claire: The crackerjack blinds guy. You got his whole company for 8 cents on the dollar.
Jay: I bought his photocopier for 7 bucks.
Quote from Gloria
Fig: What are we looking at?
Gloria: Snow! Our miracle for Christmas.
Fig: That's not snow. That's ashes from a forest fire. If you're quiet, you can hear screaming.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Jay, don't forget Joe's new doll.
Jay: Mitch and Cam, always pushing their agenda.
Quote from Claire
Cameron: Oh, is the furnace on?!
Gloria: Phil, take off that jacket. You're making me hot just looking at you.
Phil: Saleslady said that would happen. Trust me, I'm cool as cucumber. Something about the coat just knows what my body needs.
Claire: You're sweating like a heroin addict.