Phil: Sorry about that. I went a little nuts there. I don't know what happened.
Jay: I do. I was ragging on you in front of your friends.
Phil: Oh, yeah.
Jay: Sorry about that. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Phil: Why not?
Jay: I got 20, 25 years on those guys. We got nothing in common. It's only gonna get worse. I mean, what's it gonna be like with the new kid in ten years?
Phil: Oh, my goodness. You're insecure and vulnerable. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Jay: Shut up.
Phil: Who's a shy bunny?
Jay: You wanna go one more round, without the gloves?

Phil: I'm just playing around, Jay. I don't care how old you are. I could sit and talk to you all day. Those guys really liked you, too.
Jay: I don't care about that. Did they? Even Jerry?
Phil: Yes.
Jay: Well, maybe you're right. I mean, Manny didn't want to come, and look at him. Looks like he's having a great time.
Manny: So then Luke's dad grabs the taser from me, and he was like, "uhh! Uhh!"
Phil: No. No! That's not how it happened.

Gloria: Ay! Ay! It hurts!
Claire: Hang in there! Hang in there! I'll get you to the hospital as soon as I can!
Store Manager: I just want to apologize, one more time on behalf of the store for any stress that I might have caused you. Here, you can keep the sweatshirt as a gift. And congratulations on this baby, which is clearly not a turkey. That was-
Gloria: Go away now!

Claire: What hospital are we going to?
Gloria: No! No hospital!
Claire: No hospital. Wow. Wow, you're one of those, huh? Okay, please don't have it in the pool, though. 'Cause we swim in there.
Gloria: I'm not having the baby, Claire. I was just faking it.
Claire: What?
Gloria: Not bad for someone with pregnancy brain, huh?

Gloria: I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit there and watch you suffer just because you had turned your brain off.
Claire: Okay, I deserved that. [sirens wail] Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. I just blew through a red light. Damn. You think you can keep the pregnancy thing up for a little while longer?
Gloria: Ay! I feel the head! Feel it! Feel it!
Claire: Save it! Save it for the cop! Save it.

Cameron: That's it?
Mitchell: That's it. So I'll go to city hall on Monday and see what I can do, but you did it, Cam!
Cameron: No, we did it. I had to run away, and you stepped in, and like an understudy, you gave a brilliant performance.
Mitchell: Yeah, but you're the star.
Cameron: Oh, well... [giggles]
Lily: Can we stop doing this and go home?

Cameron: Oh, hey, Gloria. Listen, I called Jay about borrowing a drill for my dresser handles.
Jay: I got it right here, Cam! Oh, jeez. What's with the getup?
Gloria: Ay, good. You see that, too?
Jay: Stella, stop. Ay, shh, shh, shh.
Gloria: Sorry, Cam.
Cameron: Oh, no, don't be. I take it as a compliment. [hisses at Stella] "Cats" - now and forever. Actually, just till next Thursday. It's been described as "transcendent."