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Weathering Heights

‘Weathering Heights’

Season 8, Episode 4 - Aired October 12, 2016

Phil asks Haley to do his make-up when he is invited to be a real estate expert on the local news broadcast, but he can't cover up his excitement when he meets weatherman Rainer Shine. Elsewhere, Jay is determined to add a little more grit to Manny's video interview for his college application, and Lily is upset at the imposition of their new house guest.

Quote from Gloria

Joe: Thank you for bweakfast.
Gloria: You're welcome, sweetie. [sighs] Did you hear that? "Bweakfast." It's a good thing that we're taking him to speech therapy. I want everybody to understand every single thing he says. [thick accent] Do you want marmalade on your brioche toast?
Jay: Not a clue.

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Quote from Jay

Manny: [rapping on video] How does an artsy, well-read, child of divorce A Columbian dropped In the middle of a forgotten plot In suburbia with confidence and-
Jay: You copied that from that play "Hamilton," right?
Manny: I'm not sure "copied" is the word. It's more of an homage.
Jay: Well, I homaged it about two weeks on "Jay Talking." You saw that episode, right?
Gloria: Okay.
Jay: I rhymed "rice pudding" with "Cuba Gooding." Both delicious, by the way.

Quote from Jay

Manny: The deadline for early admission is tomorrow. I'll never come up with something great by then.
Jay: Yes, you will, and I'll help.
Manny: You'd do that for me?
Jay: Anything for you, kid.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I got to get this kid out of the house. All his crazy quirks. The farther away, the better. I keep leaving brochures around for schools at sea.

Quote from Gloria

Dr. Gable: Okay, Joe, repeat after me. Red rover, red rover, red rover.
Joe: Wed wovah, wed wovah, wed wovah.
Dr. Gable: Okay, now I want you to try it with a big smile on your face.
Together: Red rover, red rover, red rover.
Dr. Gable: Oh. [chuckles]
Gloria: I am sorry. It's just sometimes I feel like my accent gets a little [mumbles unintelligibly] and it's gonna rub off on Fulgencio Joseph.
Dr. Gable: Well, you shouldn't blame yourself, if that's what you just said.

Quote from Jay

Jay: Walk along that wall, read from your script. Go.
Manny: [clears throat] Hola! "Welcome to the streets I call home. It's tough out here, so I've had to be tougher.
Because in a place where violence is currency and pain is your best friend" Okay, this is embarrassing. Please don't shoot this.
Jay: You're doing good! Hey, pretend like you're climbing over the wall, in case we want to say this is Mexico.
Manny: Not gonna happen.
Jay: Fine. Here's some spray-paint. Bubble letter me something about gringos.

Quote from Lily

Police Officer: Okay. Dwight Bullock. I have to arrest you. You've been a bad boy.
Dwight: But I didn't do it! I'm innocent! I don't know how that bottle got under the bed!
Mitchell: Now we're gonna take it down a notch.
Police Officer: Hold out your wrists. I've got to take you downtown.
Cameron: Dwight, I am very disappointed in you. There's no more football. No more school. Lily, is there anything you'd like to say to Dwight before he's taken to jail.
Lily: I guess. Martha Stewart said she used the prison time to work on herself.

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [enunciating] Fred fed Ted bread. Ted fed Fred bread.
Jay: What am I looking at?
Gloria: [stilted accent] Joe's doctor gave me some sp-heech exer-cises to help me speak more clear-ely. The problem is I fee-ear I have forgotten how I used to talk.
Jay: Well, if it's any consolation, this isn't any worse.

Quote from Jay

Manny: Okay. How about this? We open on a blank sheet of paper. Under a Mozart fugue, we suddenly see a drop of blood.
Jay: Is it the admissions committee slitting their wrists?
Manny: [sighs] Fine. The year is 18-
Jay: No! You're on the wrong track here. They're gonna get a million applications from artsy little snots. You've got to stand out. When everybody else zigs, you've got to zoink.
Manny: Isn't it "zag"?
Jay: Exactly.

Quote from Haley

Alex: What is wrong with me? I feel so fuzzy.
Haley: Oh, stop being so hard on yourself. It's just arm hair.

Quote from Claire

Alex: I can't figure out this crossword puzzle. I- I think mono turned my mind to mush.
Claire: What's the clue? Maybe I can help.
Alex: [laughs] Thanks, Mom. Feels good to laugh.
Claire: What is so funny? I am a well-read college graduate. I think I'm capable of doing a crossword puzzle.
Alex: Okay, professor. Six-letter word, Archimedes' exclamation.
Claire: I don't like you right now.

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