‘Undeck the Halls’
Season 1, Episode 10 - Aired December 9, 2009
Phil and Claire threaten to cancel Christmas when none of the kids will admit to burning a hole in the couch. Meanwhile, Jay is uncomfortable when Gloria and Manny want to include some of their Colombian holiday traditions in this year's festivities. Meanwhile, Mitchell is disappointed with a mall Santa and Cameron is upset to see his former caroling group.
Quote from Alex
Alex: Okay. Look, I have an idea. Do you remember the movie Spartacus? Here's what we do: Luke, you tell Mom and Dad it's your fault.
Luke: I didn't do it.
Alex: It doesn't matter. Because after you confess, Haley and I will each confess to the same thing.
Haley: How does that do anything?
Alex: They'll be so touched that we're protecting each other that they'll have to bring back Christmas.
Luke: That's awesome. How does it work again?
Quote from Phil
Luke: Say something!
Alex: About what?
Luke: Uh, I take it back!
Claire: What is going on?
Luke: These guys were gonna say they did it too, and you were gonna be proud of all of us.
Haley: Why would we do that?
Alex: I don't know what to believe with this kid.
Luke: Liars! I didn't do it!
Haley: Well, it wasn't me.
Alex: Don't look at me.
Claire: Seriously?
Phil: Wait. Nobody did it again? No, that's fine. Guess what? Christmas is still canceled. That's fine by me. Let's start working on next year. Hey, and memo to New Year's Eve and Easter- Watch your back!
Quote from Mitchell
Scott: So, after I left the marines, I just kinda traveled the world. Now I go from town to town picking up odd jobs.
Cameron: Oh. Kinda like the Hulk.
Scott: That's weird. That was my nickname in the corps- 'cause of my bad temper. Anyway, thanks for having me over, having me for dinner, letting me do my laundry. It's not been a good day.
Mitchell: Um, Scott, I-I have a confession to make.
Scott: Yeah? [Scott pulls out a knife and cuts a cable tie off the baby swing Mitchell is assembling]
Mitchell: Um, I didn't, uh- I didn't clean the lint tray, so, um, your clothes might be a little pilly.
Scott: Oh, no problem. That's the least of my worries.
Quote from Cameron
Scott: Thanks for everything. You guys made my day.
Cameron: It's the least we could do.
Scott: What do you mean?
Cameron: I don't know what I was saying.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: No. Cam's right, you know. We create new traditions every year.
Scott: [shirtless, his Santa pants hanging low] So, who's ready to try the swing?
Quote from Phil
Phil: Honey? Hmm? Would it really be so bad to back down?
Claire: And have the kids never take any of our threats seriously again?
Phil: Yeah. Mmm. Or the kids could realize that we're making a supreme sacrifice by giving up our power to save their Christmas.
Claire: Which would, in a way, be the greatest gift that we could ever give them.
Phil: And which would paradoxically make them respect us even more. [Claire groans] Okay, forget that. Go back one.
Quote from Alex
Phil: Alex, why'd you take the blame?
Alex: I didn't want to lose Christmas.
Phil: Hmm. That is so stinking beautiful.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Let's not all get worked up. I made a mistake! I made a mistake. And people make mistakes. And they make up for those mistakes-
Claire: Mm-hmm?
Phil: By taking their family... to... Italy!
Haley: Oh, my God! Can Dylan come?
Phil: Yeah! Yeah!
Quote from Jay
Jay: [v.o.] We talk a lot about tradition this time of year. But as much as we love our traditions, sometimes our best memories come from the times that are the most untraditional. We remember the year Mom and Dad went crazy. We remember the year Santa punched out the caroler. But for me, this was the year that the word "tradition" got a lot bigger.