Cameron: [aside to camera] Fortunately, Chuckle Chums aren't all that expensive to replace. They're mainly just an excuse for lonely people to go outside.
Mitchell: Point is, we learned our lesson. No more snooping.
Cameron: Absolutely. Although we still don't have an explanation for those creaky floorboards in the middle of the night. Heavy-footed going on way, light coming back. Was it Tommy joining his Chums for a menage à trois, then being replaced by Mrs. Wilkerson on the couch?
Mitchell: Okay, you need... [high-pitched sneeze] Help!

Jay: Son of a bitch. I broke two saw blades on this thing, and now these miracle shears are no good. Guy who sold me these at the front door cut through a horseshoe.

Jay: What was that?
Gloria: She's going to pay.
Jay: You don't even know it was her. Whatever that was, you got to call it off.
Gloria: I know it was her.I saw the evil in her eyes.
Jay: She probably has cataracts.

Jay: Is something bad happening to that poor woman?
Gloria: I don't know details. I let them decide. They don't like to feel managed.
Jay: I'm begging you to make that call! Auntie Alice spoke at career day at my high school! [telephone rings, answers] Hello? No, we didn't order flowers.
Gloria: That's them. Tell them no tulips.
Jay: Uh, no tulips. They hung up.
Gloria: Good thing that I remembered the code.