‘The Wow Factor’
Season 4, Episode 18 - Aired March 27, 2013
As they renovate a house together, Claire and Cameron have developed methods for reining the other in. Meanwhile, Phil decides to teach the girls basic home maintenance, Jay spends some bonding time with Joe, and Mitchell confronts a schoolyard bully at Lily's school.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Tell you what. Why don't I have some father-son time with Joe this afternoon and give you some time with Manny?
Gloria: Ay, that's so sweet. You can take Joe to his baby class.
Jay: Gloria, I think he already knows how to be a baby.
Gloria: I love you, but I can't laugh at that again.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Sorry, buddy, but I already committed to spending the afternoon with Joe so you and your mom could have more time together. Hey, maybe she can take you.
Manny: Can we, mom?
Gloria: Of course, mi amor. It's your special day. We'll do whatever you want.
Manny: Great. This is gonna be four hours you'll never forget.
Jay: [to Joe] Hey, buddy. Looks like it's just the dos of us.
Gloria: Why do I feel that you did something shifty?
Jay: I have no idea. But I gotta say, it's not your best quality.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: [aside to camera] I hate bullies. I've hated them my whole life. I hated them when they were named Scott Dworkin or Greg Pechenko or Katie Greenwald.
Quote from Lily
Mitchell: Okay, you know what? I'm gonna play.
Lily: But, daddy, he's really good.
Mitchell: Well, I'm really good, too.
Lily: But it's a sport.
Quote from Lily
Milo: You done talking?
Mitchell: You know, it's really appropriate that we're at a school, because I'm about to teach you a lesson.
Milo: Next!
Mitchell: [to Lily] All right. Sorry, sweetheart. Here, I'll walk you to class.
Lily: No, thank you, mister.
Quote from Alex
Phil: My dad taught me everything there is to know about maintaining a home, and today, that tradition continues. Voila! Light bulb changed. Hey, I have an idea. Let's get to know the house, huh?
Haley: [lowered voice] Hey, I have an idea, let's lock him in.
Phil: Okay. Let's go over this baby right here. What are we lookin' at, huh?
Haley: Photosynthesis?
Phil: In a sense, yeah.
Phil: Uh, photosynthesis converts carbon dioxide into food for plants, this water heater converts cold water into hot.
Alex: What converts this conversation into over?
Quote from Haley
Phil: Girls, you need to learn these things. You might find yourselves living alone at some point.
Haley: Oh. [tilts her head towards Alex, winks at Phil]
Alex: I long for the day.
Quote from Haley
Phil: Okay, we're just gonna start with something really basic, all right? I am turning the pilot light off. These things go out occasionally.
Haley: Why?
Phil: I don't know. No one knows. Let's just say gremlins do it. But if it happens to you, what do you do?
Haley: Call a guy.
Alex: Or a girl.
Haley: Oh, my God, we're literally in a closet, and you just said that.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Pam is a licensed contractor. Done a lot of houses.
Claire: Uh-huh?
Cameron: I thought it'd be nice to bring in a third party that's objective, to help settle the fountain dispute.
Claire: Oh. Objective, right.
Pam: Well, my son does go to school with Lily, but believe me, that is not gonna sway my decision any more than the fact that you are beautiful.
Cameron: Hmm?
Claire: Thank you. You are, too.
Pam: Thank you. Let me grab your cans. Your paint cans.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Yes. I think the fountain's a little pricy. But you know what? It's gonna more than make up for itself when a family comes in here and falls head over heels in love with this home.
Pam: Okay, that's a valid point. It is a bit of an empty space out there.
Cameron: Thank you.
Claire: Well, I mean, I see what you're saying. Sorry. It's hot in here, right?
Cameron: Oh, well, you know, that happens to women of a certain age, like with my mom.
Pam: Are you kidding? What are you, like, 35?
Claire: What are you, like, an angel sent from heaven?