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The Wow Factor

‘The Wow Factor’

Season 4, Episode 18 -  Aired March 27, 2013

As they renovate a house together, Claire and Cameron have developed methods for reining the other in. Meanwhile, Phil decides to teach the girls basic home maintenance, Jay spends some bonding time with Joe, and Mitchell confronts a schoolyard bully at Lily's school.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Maybe I'm being a little ambitious. So let's just do a couple dancing water fountains, call it a day.
Claire: No, wait. Cam, Cam, Cam. That's gonna still put us, like, $3,500 over our landscape budget. Right now, we're forty-twelve percent higher than I thought we'd be at this point because Smitty added that 8% surcharge.
Cameron: I'm sorry. Did you just say forty-twelve percent?
Claire: Mm, no, I didn't.
Cameron: Yes, you did. You do this all the time. You just throw numbers at me to frighten and confuse me. And here I thought we were working so well together, and you're just being manipulative.
Claire: What about you, Cam? Pitching these crazy, over-the-top ideas just so you can slip in what you really want.
Cameron: Oh, how dare you accuse me of Trojan horsing you.
Claire: You have a name for it?
Cameron: No, I mean- You know what? I will not stand here and be accused by the likes of you. And if there was a door here, missy, I would slam it your face.

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Quote from Jay

Jay: Joe, I found a better way for us to bond... James Bond.

Quote from Alex

Phil: Focus. You don't call anyone. To re-light the pilot, turn the valve to "pilot," you press it down to begin the flow of gas, you wait a few seconds... Where you guys from originally? [laughs] And you just press the igniter. There you go. That's odd. Why is it not working?
Haley: Oh, I got it. Why don't we just fill it up with hot water from the tap?
Alex: Found another light that's out.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: [aside to camera] Claire and I were at a stalemate on the water feature. So I brought in an experienced professional to help break the tie. Pam also happens to be a friend and a fellow gay parent at Lily's school. Am I trying to stack the deck against Claire here? No. I would never be so... genius.

Quote from Frank

Phil: [aside to camera] I didn't need a torx screwdriver. I've always wanted one, though. But I needed them out of the house, so I could call a guy.
[cut to:]
Phil: Dad, help me.
Frank: [on video chat] Are we gonna do that thing again where you try on different outfits like in "Pretty Woman"?

Quote from Luke

Mitchell: Hey. Saw you sinkin' some J's back there, huh? Box and one. Cover two. Sh-Shaq-a-hack? Am I right?
Luke: Not even close. What's up?
Mitchell: Well, word has it that you were a pretty good handball player back in the day.
Luke: Yeah. And Neil Armstrong was a "pretty good" trumpet player.
Mitchell: I see you spent a lot more time on the court than you did in the classroom, so clearly, I've come to the right place.

Quote from Cameron

Pam: I'm not, but I am enjoying this little show tremendously, so thank you. Yeah. As for my professional opinion on the fountain, don't do it. I mean, if you were gonna live here yourself, I'd say go for it. But it's too expensive for a flip.
Claire: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
Pam: Cam?
Cameron: Fine.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Lesbians!

Quote from Frank

Phil: The gas is on, dad. I can see the spark from the igniter. I don't know what it is.
Frank: [over video chat] That's your thermocouple. You get a little sediment in there or some rust, and you're done for.
Phil: The thermocouple. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, dad. I-I shouldn't be buggin' you with this stuff.
Frank: Are you kiddin' me? I love to help. Makes me feel like you still need me.
Phil: Of course I need you. You're the best when it comes to this.

Quote from Frank

Frank: [over video chat] Hey, make sure you tell Claire how pretty she looks tonight. A woman needs to hear that.
Phil: You do the same with mom.
Frank: No, your mom's a little tired of hearing how pretty Claire is.
Phil: Good one! All right. Love you.
Frank: Love you, too.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: You were supposed to spend quality time with the baby.
Jay: Joe was asleep. He didn't even know he missed the puppet show.
Gloria: It was the baby class!
Jay: Okay, call it what you want. I saw a hippie with a frog on his hand.

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