Phil: How crazy is your dad, huh?! Braving the elements! Keeping the family dry! That is fur! What's the plan, Luke? There are no bad ideas, but waving a metal shovel around in an electrical storm could have a downside, so let's put it back in the garage, huh? Whoa, that was close! [clatter] Oh, my God! Not again!

Claire: It's so nothing. I mean... [scoffs] Manny got his robe caught in the refrigerator door, and I may have accidentally seen him.
Manny: Oh, you saw.
Claire: Okay. Manny, it's over. What happened happened. It's done.
Gloria: Okay? Okay, good, because I have a problem and I need your help, Claire.
Claire: Yes. You got it. What is it?
Gloria: Well, Manny doesn't want to go to his school trip because there is a rumor that the kids want to go skinny-dipping, and he's self-conscious about his body.
Claire: I'm gonna pretend I don't understand why you're including me in this conversation.

Manny: Maybe she doesn't think I have a beautiful body.
Gloria: Oh. Ay, dios mi­o! Claire, is this true?
Claire: No! Okay, I can't do this. I'm- I'm just gonna go ahead and walk away now. But if a bolt of lightning should strike this house, you can send it my way.

Mitchell: Okay. This is- This is what I'm gonna do. If we get Ashley on board, everything else will just fall into place. I convince juries that guilty people are innocent. I can certainly convince Ashley that our party ideas are dope.
Cameron: Yeah, but don't say dope.
Mitchell: I won't say dope.

Manny: Your husband's outside half naked. There's still time to go downstairs and body shame him if you like.

Claire: Of course you're insecure about your body. You're a teenager. It's part of the job description. But if this whole skinny-dipping thing ever even happens, you have nothing to worry about.
Manny: Easy for you to-
Claire: You're still talking. You have nothing to worry about because nobody's going to be looking at you, because all those other kids are gonna be too preoccupied with their own insecurities.
Manny: But i-if they do?
Claire: [inhales sharply] You'll be fine. You're the most confident kid I have ever met, and that is always sexy.
Manny: Thanks, Claire.
Claire: Mm.
Manny: And if this helps you in any way, I've always found you sexy, too.
Claire: Super.

Jay: I'm not gonna get there, am I?
Phil: We don't have to talk about it.
Jay: Old Navy buddy of mine, Big Jake, died today. Guys in my unit have a tradition whereas, when one of us goes, the rest of us, no matter where we are, find the nearest Irish pub, and at 7:00, silently toast the fallen. Started with 10 guys. Four of us left. Probably should have told Gloria about it, but I don't know. We- We all went through some rough stuff together. Hard to talk about.