‘The Escape’
Season 9, Episode 21 - Aired May 9, 2018
When the family visits Jay's mean sister in a nursing home, her recent stroke doesn't stop Jay, Claire and Mitchell from wanting to settle old scores. Phil, Cameron and Gloria get trapped in a basement on their way to an escape room. After meeting Arvin's parents Haley winds up in the hospital, where she is reunited with a trio of ex-boyfriends.
Quote from Haley
Arvin: [on the phone] Haley, I'm sorry. You had every right to run out of the restaurant.
Haley: You know, I've put up with a lot from boyfriends: futons, video games, wives. But you were ashamed of me.
Arvin: My mother is a judgmental snob! I wanted her to like you. I know I just I handled it all wrong. But please come back.
Haley: No! You made me feel bad about myself, and I deserve better than that, okay? So just go to Switzerland and sit in a big thing of, like, Swiss chocolate and and yodel, okay?
Quote from Phil
Phil: Anybody got a spoon? We could "Shawshank" this thing.
Gloria: It didn't go so well when you "Die Hard"-ed it.
Phil: Okay. Full disclosure. If I don't feel supported, I tend to shut down.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: Great. Now we have marijuana and no lighter and just this stupid key. I can hear Jay saying, "Maybe that key opens the door, dummy."
Phil: They can never know how much smarter they are than us.
Cameron: Never.
Quote from Jay
Claire: Oh, Aunt Becky, I'm so sorry. I just got off the phone with the Prince of Liechtenstein. He's having some terrible financial troubles. He's gonna need the necklace back. You know, to feed his people.
Aunt Becky: Save it, princess.
Jay: There's nothing wrong with her memory. She was messing with us. Mean, huh?
Claire: Horrible.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: So you also know about me too, then?
Aunt Becky: What about you?
Mitchell: Oh, God. This is happening. Um, I-I, um I so I-
Aunt Becky: Spit it out.
Mitchell: Uh, I'm not here to take anything from you. I'm here to be my true self.
Aunt Becky: Oh, for God's sake.
Mitchell: And my true self is- Aunt Becky! I am a lawyer.
Aunt Becky: A lawyer? Ew.
Mitchell: Well, that's "ew" for two.
Quote from Haley
Rainer Shine: I came as soon as I got the call. Hey. What's her forecast?