‘The Big Guns’
Season 6, Episode 12 - Aired January 14, 2015
Claire is furious when their neighbors, Ronnie and Amber, park a huge boat on their front lawn, so Phil calls in the big guns - his father Frank and a convoy of retirees. Meanwhile, Jay decides it's time to potty train Joe, and Cameron takes Lily to clown school behind Mitchell's back.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: You know that you can't rush these things. You did it before with Claire and with Mitch.
Manny: I don't think he did, Mom.
Gloria: Yes, he did. Right?
Jay: Well, I was a little busy building a closet empire. And racquetball was pretty big back then.
Manny: Maybe that's why this is so important to you. You missed so many milestones in their lives you don't want to miss them with Joe. This is your second chance. But don't worry, Jay. He knows you love him.
Jay: I'd like him to remember that I'm there for him. I mean, who knows if I'll get another chance?
Gloria: I know. You won't. And he won't have to remember you because you're always going to be here.
Quote from Lily
Mitchell: Let's have a little talk. I know that I have been laughing at some of the stuff that you've been doing to Daddy but I shouldn't have. I know that you love this but I don't want you to be the type of clown that hurts people.
Lily: I don't do that to make you laugh.
Mitchell: You don't? Well, then why do you do it?
Lily: I hate it. I don't want to be a clown. It's so weird.
Mitchell: Oh, are you serious?
Lily: The jokes aren't funny and everybody's all "Honk-honk! Ah-oogah! Wah-wah!"
Quote from Lily
Lily: I'm sorry, Daddy, but I think I want to stop being a clown.
Cameron: [gasps] Oh, but why? Y-You loved it.
Lily: Because...
Mitchell: Tell him.
Lily: Because I'll never be as good as Fizbo. He's just so funny and special and magical.
Cameron: Sweetie. Well, listen. Fizbo is very special. But you shouldn't expect to be as good as he is right away. Lily: It's too much pressure.
Cameron: Aw!
Lily: Maybe I'll try again when I'm older.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Coming up with a lie like that in the moment, that girl is no clown. She's gonna be a lawyer.
Quote from Alex
Alex: You did it!
Luke: Oh, my God. That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Alex: Just do it a few more times and she'll be begging you to kiss her right in the science museum... Or-Or whatever her fantasy is.
Quote from Phil
Claire: [aside to camera] Phil is not a vindictive guy. He still listens to Milli Vanilli.
Phil: It's a scandal I can dance to. But Ronnie and Amber don't deserve Nice Phil. They dissed my woman, so I called in the big guns.
Claire: You are so sexy right now.
Phil: Girl, you know it's true.
Claire: Oh, there it goes.