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The Big Guns

‘The Big Guns’

Season 6, Episode 12 - Aired January 14, 2015

Claire is furious when their neighbors, Ronnie and Amber, park a huge boat on their front lawn, so Phil calls in the big guns - his father Frank and a convoy of retirees. Meanwhile, Jay decides it's time to potty train Joe, and Cameron takes Lily to clown school behind Mitchell's back.

Quote from Frank

Phil: Hey, Dad, what's the What's the plot of that Rita Hayworth movie? My friends here were wondering.
Frank: That's my cue. Time to help my boy get rid of a boat. Uh, Lady from Shanghai?
Phil: That's the one.
Frank: I-I can't remember all the details. Pretty sure there was a horse in that movie. Or was it a baby? Funny thing none of it was in Shanghai. Or was all of it in Shanghai? Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. So either the horse or this baby...


Quote from Gloria

Jay: Okay, Joe, what's it gonna be? I'm a wealthy man. Just give me a number.
Manny: Seven. I just found out that's how old I was when I learned to tie my shoes. Not two, like I was told.
Gloria: Okay, please, Manny. I might have exaggerated a little bit but I do that all the time. Colombia actually is a very normal place.

Quote from Manny

Gloria: Please, just let Joe go on his own schedule. Manny learned to potty-train when he was two and a half.
Manny: You told me it was 13 months.
Gloria: I might have exaggerated a little bit.
Manny: Two and a half isn't advanced at all. What else did you exaggerate? Did I really like Shakespeare when I was three?
Gloria: Not so much Shakespeare as Jell-O.
Manny: Was my first word really "latte"?
Gloria: Not so much "latte" as "Jell-O."
Manny: My God. I'm normal.
Jay: Trust me, kid, no one's saying that about you.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Hey, check it out. Grandpa sent us another postcard from his RV trip. "Mount Rushmore? I wish the tour guide would have rushed more." [laughs]

Quote from Phil

Claire: Phil, we have got to do something about Amber and Ronnie's boat. That thing is making it impossible to park in our driveway and it's an eyesore.
Phil: On the other hand they're our neighbors and we have to see 'em every day. I worry about rocking the boat.
Luke: You know you can do better.
Phil: Keeping me honest. I love it.

Quote from Alex

Haley: Yeah, the boat is trashy. Living next to it doesn't feel "on brand" for me.
Alex: You know, with sea levels rising at their current rate we should be glad we live near a boat.

Quote from Luke

Luke: [aside to camera] Here's all you need to know about that boat. One, Tammy LaFontaine sunbathes on it. Two, my eyeballs like looking at Tammy LaFontaine sunbathing.

Quote from Cameron

Mitchell: Hey, where have you guys been?
Cameron & Lily: The San Vicente branch of the public library, then ice cream.
Mitchell: That was a weirdly specific answer.
Lily: Well, everything is normal.
Mitchell: Usually when everything is normal, people don't respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.
Cameron: Now who's being weirdly specific?

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: I have been very up front with you. You knew going in that I wanted to raise our child as a clown.
Mitchell: Yes, but then I finally realized that you weren't joking and we agreed we would wait until she was old enough to decide for herself.
Cameron: You do stuff with her all the time and you don't ask me for my permission. Just last week, you took her to the doctor without even asking!
Mitchell: Because she had an ear infection!
Cameron: Let's say we're even!

Quote from Jay

Jay: Look what I got. A throne for our little king.
Manny: Do we have to put the toilet on the counter? I take my afternoon coffee here.
Jay: Let's fix one problem at a time.

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