‘The Big Game’
Season 5, Episode 9 - Aired December 4, 2013
Cameron is determined to secure his place in the school's history by winning a record third game in his first season as coach. Meanwhile, Claire is fed up of being treated differently at work because she's the bosses daughter, and Phil tries to keep an optimistic spirit as he goes almost an entire month without selling a house.
Quote from Phil
Luke: Don't even bother coming. I'm quitting today. I'm sick of this guy on the team always making fun of me.
Phil: He's just jealous because you're the one who puts points on the board. Why? Because you run the scoreboard-
All: Run the scoreboard.
Quote from Alex
Alex: I'm out, too.
Phil: But all your classmates will be there.
Alex: We ignore each other all week. It's nice to have a little break on the weekends.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Geez, I've never seen such a bunch of no-getters.
Luke: Coined it!
Phil: Remember, keep a positive attitude, and good things will happen. Two things I bring to every open house: my lucky pen and a smile. I haven't sold a house all month. Do you see me saying "I'm done"? Never. Because there is no "done" in Dunphy. I'll see you guys at the game. Hey, there is no "umph" in Dunph- Different spelling!
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: [aside to camera] Cam has a number of delightful superstitions during the football season.
Cameron: Well, they're not superstitions when they work.
Mitchell: That seems science-y. Not sorry that today is the last g-a-m-e.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Hey, Miller, your toes are looking a little lonely. Why don't you pay them a visit?
Miller: What's with the extra warm-ups, coach? These guys haven't won all year.
Cameron: Did you hear that, team? Miller just bought you a little present.
Miller: I wasn't complaining. I was just wondering why we have to-
Cameron: Take a lap!
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Burt Levoisier, Red Stagg, Duckie Pond. All coaching legends at this High School and none have won more than two games their first season. I win today, that makes three, making me the winningest first-year freshman coach ever.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Uh, hey, excuse me, ref. What's with all the black arm bands?
Referee: Their coach passed away last night. He'd been sick for a while.
Manny: That's terrible. And we're still playing?
Cameron: Well, they're tough kids.
Referee: Roger Knight lived for high-school football, so they're playing this one in his honor.
Cameron: Okay, hey, guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Tragic news about Coach Knight. But you know what? We need to focus up. Plenty of time to pay our respects, but there will be no mourning knight this afternoon.
Referee: Lot of character over there.
Cameron: Yep.
Referee: Those kids haven't won a game all year.
Cameron: Uh-huh.
Referee: And now to have to play on his birthday-
Cameron: Okay, see you at the coin toss.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Beautiful day here at Red Stagg field. Kicking off for the home team is number 44, Jason Miller, who also plays lacrosse, soccer, and all the girl parts when he and his friends act out "High School Musical." Quite possibly the only girl parts he'll ever see.
Quote from Lily
Teacher: Oh, before I call her, we had a small issue today. One of the boys, Patrick, said Lily pushed him down and tried to kiss him.
Gloria: No, that doesn't sound like Lily.
Teacher: She was probably imitating something she saw on TV or in her family.
Gloria: Ay, it was the TV, yes. Oh, but here she is. She's always so sweet.
Lily: Bye, Patrick. [Patrick runs away]
Gloria: You see? They're just friends.
Lily: What are you laughing at, Evan? You're next.
Gloria: Okay, I'm going to talk to her for a little bit.
Quote from Cameron
Luke: And that's halftime. Panthers 6, Dolphins 0. That zero score by Jason Miller, who proudly prances off the field.
Miller: Just let me go up there and kick that kid's butt.
Cameron: Knock it off, Miller. I need your leg. Take a knee. Now, I don't know what tuna net you dolphins swam into, but you are drowning out there!
Quote from Cameron
Manny: Coach, would it really be such a bad thing if we lost?
Cameron: Beg your pardon?
Manny: Look at them, coach. Haven't they lost enough already? Maybe giving them a win would, in a way, be a victory for us, too.
Cameron: Okay, you know what mattered the most to Coach Knight?
Boy: His work with special-needs kids?
Cameron: Okay, he took one kid to one beach one time. Football! Football is what mattered the most! He lived for competition! He believed in sportsmanship, integrity! Okay? Now, the way I see it, we can roll over and give them an empty, meaningless victory that he would hate. Or we can go out there, leave it all on the field, and be a team he would be proud to lose to.