Season 11, Episode 14 - Aired February 19, 2020
Phil and Claire take Haley and Dylan to dinner to reassure them they are not bad parents. While out to dinner, they run into Mitch and Cam who are chaperoning Lily’s first date, as well as Jay and Gloria after attending Joe’s school play.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Sorry about that. Took a minute getting Jay to his car. He saw a cloud that looked like his old football coach, and he didn't want to be alone.
Quote from Claire
Claire: By the way... I got a response to my Craigslist ad.
Phil: Oh. Oh, that was fast.
Claire: Yeah. Yeah, really nice couple, soon to be empty nesters... three kids, two new grandkids. Wife's a little high-strung. Husband's a bit of an oddball with an infectious lust for life.
Phil: They sound like weirdos. No sale.
Claire: Phil, I'm talking about us. We should keep the RV.
Phil: That is amazing. What changed your mind?
Claire: I think it was hearing all those stories tonight. And the kids'll be gone soon. We'll probably spend a lot of time on the road. Might as well do it in the height of luxury... with a carpeted bathroom and a four-in-one game table.
Phil: You're incredible.
Quote from Phil
Phil: You're amazing. What did I do to deserve a wife cool enough to let me keep my dad's RV and his newborn parrot?
Claire: His newborn what?
Phil: [kisses Claire] Mmmmmwah.
Claire: Honey, parrots live like 70 to 8...
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: That was not the call I was expecting.
Mitchell: Sweetie, I know. I-I saw the other coach celebrating on Instagram, uh, drenching himself in Gatorade... in the house. There was a rug. Who's gonna clean that up? Not him, I bet. I'm reading from your face that you didn't know until I just told you. Now I'm just talking out of nerves.
Cameron: Damn it! I... I didn't get it?! I mean, I know I'm hard to read, but I really wanted that job.
Mitchell: I'm so sorry. C-Come here.
Cameron: Wait, is that why you were selling California all night long to me? Because you wanted to soften the blow when I heard?
Cameron: Well, that is weirdly sweet.
Quote from Cameron
Lily: He asked if I could go outside and get ice cream. Can I?
Cameron: O-Of course, yes. But just make good choices... about the toppings. Don't get sprinkles. They're just wax.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Uh, by the way, what was that phone call you got?
Cameron: Oh. Uh [chuckles] crazy. Our adoption agency.
Mitchell: From years ago?
Cameron: Y-Yeah, apparently, uh, they were migrating the database, and somehow, our profile got accidentally reactivated and... and somebody picked us.
Mitchell: Wait, picked us? A-As in there... there's a baby?
Cameron: I know. Wild, right?
Mitchell: W-Well, you... you told them no?
Cameron: Well, it felt wrong until I talked to you about it, but, yeah, I-I'll... I will. I'll tell 'em.
Mitchell: It was really fun telling those stories tonight.
Cameron: Yeah. Really puts losing a job in perspective. You know, none of our best memories have anything to do with work. They all have to do with that little girl right out there.
Mitchell: Well, you know, she's not so little anymore. Oh. Oh, I think we're about to have a hand-holding moment. [Cameron grabs Mitchell's hand]
Cameron: You know, we got pretty good at this parenting thing, didn't we?
Mitchell: Um... so, uh, we... we have to tell the agency tonight?
Cameron: Well, technically, we have 24 hours to, uh... decide.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Jay. I'm sorry. I will never drug you again. But it was so nice to see you so open and honest.
Jay: Yeah, I was a regular "Honest Abe."
Gloria: Who's that?