Senor Kaplan: And this is for, um...
Cameron: It's Marcia.
Senor Kaplan: Marcia! Right, of course. I knew that. I must have been having a "Senor" moment.
Cameron: Somebody's always on.

Jay: I remember my buddies and I were playing rock war once. That's a game where you chuck rocks at each other's heads. What could go wrong, right? I put one through the window of my old man's Rambler, and he thought my baby brother did it. I couldn't take it, and I told him I did it. It felt so good to confess, and my old man was so proud of me, I didn't even get in any trouble. Y-you know?
Lily: Joe did it.
Jay: She's good.

Alex: "The house will be empty"? You are pimping me out!
Claire: It is clear that the two of you like one another. Sometimes, you need a little nudge.
Alex: Well, you're a chaperone! Just disappear! This dance is not for you!

Cameron: This guy waltzes in here like he's king of the dance after doing god knows what in Sri Lanka, building schools in underdeveloped areas. What does that even mean?
Claire: Is it possible that you're being a little hard on the man?
Cameron: I turned his two-bit dance into the event of the year. Look. Burnouts and dweebs hanging out together in harmony. That is me.

Cameron: [aside to camera] That pathetic peacock of a man was not going down without a fight. I had a choice to make -- be the better dancer or the bigger man. So, I stepped off the dance floor and made the obvious call. You want to win over a crowd? Invite a lonely mom to dance. She never saw it coming, and neither did he. Hey Senor. You just got out-coached.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I try and look on the bright side of things. I'm a doggy-bath-is-half-full kind of guy. But it was time for me to open my eyes. I was working for a monster. I came to this job to be the voice of the downtrodden. Turns out those downtrodden were my co-workers, and they were desperate for a hero to slay their dragon.

Wendy: Hey, has anybody seen my dog? Pixie! Oh, there she is.
Mitchell: Okay, Wendy, I'm sorry. I-I have something to say to you, something that everybody else here is afraid to say. Now, I know you're fighting the good fight, but that is no excuse for the way you treat people. T- That actually might be one of the reasons that you have no personal life because who wants to come home to a-a cold, emotionless thug?
Wendy: W-what are you talking about?
Mitchell: I am an experienced, respected attorney, and on my first day, you asked me to bathe Rex.
Rex: I'm not comfortable with that.
Mitchell: And I'm not comfortable with that, but I did it.
Wendy: Okay, that's Pixie. This is Rex, the intern I asked you to groom.
Mitchell: And that is my mistake, and I own that. But that is still no excuse for the way that you tore into him for the outfit he wore yesterday.
Wendy: I was talking about the outfit he picked out for me. Apparently, I have the one gay intern in the world with absolutely no fashion sense.
Mitchell: I was unaware of- of this dynamic.

Mitchell: But I-I-I'm not alone here, all right? There are people in this room who feel that you are- How did we say it? You are a tyrant with no regard for human life.
Elliot: That sounds like my summation for the slum-lord case.
Wendy: Oh, hey, you finished it?
Helen: It's wonderful. But he's nervous to show you.
Wendy: Why are you so hard on yourself?
Mitchell: Okay, but w-w-what- What about you making us work on Sundays? That-
Dan: The night of my barbecue?
Wendy: Dan? What are you still doing here? It's your anniversary! Go home!
Mitchell: Oh, God. This isn't happening. No, no. She's- She's crazy. I mean, I saw her attack the vending machine.
Helen: That's the only way it works since Dennis broke it.
Mitchell: Dennis is the guy whose office I took?
Elliot: Yeah, he was the machine's best customer until he started running. One day, he said he's got to get out or-
Mitchell: He would die. Okay. Okay. Wendy, um I-I might owe you a little bit of an apology, so I'm sorry. Um, clearly, everybody here loves you, and I-I was wrong about everything. So I'm sorry.

Phil: Um, are you sure you know what you're doing, Tad? I know you're the Mortgage Doctor, but-
Ted: Someone said, "Is there a doctor in the house?" Was I supposed to not get up?