‘Run For Your Wife’
Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired October 28, 2009
Phil tries to keep Claire occupied with the kids gone for the first day of school. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria disagree over Manny's choice of clothing. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron worry about Lily after a minor accident.
Quote from Phil
Phil: I always take the stairs two at a time. I don't even think about it anymore. The regular way would seem weird.
Claire: Phil, let it go. I'm faster than you.
Phil: If only there was some way we could settle this once and for all, but how? Huh.
Claire: You seriously want to race me? I ran a half marathon last year.
Phil: Wow. I'm half scared.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [singing, off-screne] Two at a time, two at a time, two at a- Son of a gun, got to fix that step. Two at a time, already at the top, so...
Quote from Cameron
Dr. Miura: Just to be sure, could you show me how hard Lily got hit? And u- Use your head.
Mitchell: Oh, yeah, so, I mean, really, it was It was just sort of like, um...
Dr. Miura: Could I see that again?
Mitchell: Um, it was just- Just a head bump, you know?
Dr. Miura: How are you feeling?
Mitchell: Uh, fine.
Dr. Miura: So is Lily. Babies are designed to survive new parents. So stop worrying. You guys are doing great.
Cameron: Thank you. [bows]
Dr. Miura: Denver.
Quote from Jay
Jay: I don't see any ponchos, which means either the kids don't wear them or the ones who do wear them disappear.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Well, we got your poncho here.
Manny: I thought you said it made me look like my neck was wearing a dress.
Jay: That was a joke.
Manny: Oh, good it's still in the pocket.
Jay: What you got there, buddy?
Manny: My pan flute. I'm going to play some Colombian folk music for my new classmates.
Jay: Huh. Great.
Gloria: I've never been more proud of you. I'm sure your friends are gonna love it. [to Jay, while making a kill motion] Break the flute.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: I just I think I suck at being a father.
Cameron: What are you talking about? We're new at this.
Mitchell: Yeah, but you're such a natural. I mean, look at you. You walk into the room, and she lights up. You- You change her diaper with one hand. I- Nice. I'm actually jealous of you.
Cameron: There are so many things that you do that I can't. You- You baby-proofed the entire house. You took care of all the adoption paperwork. Without you, we wouldn't even have a baby to injure.
Mitchell: Just a couple of forms. Actually, that was a lot of paperwork.
Cameron: And you got her on all those preschool waiting lists.
Mitchell: I can't believe you were gonna wait until she was old enough.
Quote from Phil
Phil: What?
Claire: I didn't say anything.
Phil: I couldn't hear you. I'm cranking one of my mash-ups. Oh. Hey, hey! There they are. How was the first day back in prison?
Luke: Fine.
Alex: Yeah.
Quote from Claire
Claire: All right, sweetie, this happens. Remain calm. That's the first thing. Pull over right here. I'll get out the registration.
Haley: Mom, I don't like cops.
Claire: Okay, pull over right there.
Haley: I don't like cops.
Claire: All right, there's a space right here.
Haley: I can't pull over.
Haley: No, I can't.
Claire: You need to pull over.
Haley: I can't pull over. I don't like cops.
Claire: You got to pull over.
Phil: No can do. I got priors.
Haley: I'm speeding up.
Phil: The parking ticket from the mall, I never paid the parking ticket! Keep moving, sweetheart!
Haley: Dad agrees with me, I can speed up!
Claire: It's not a movie, Haley! Pull over!