Ronaldo: I have eyes on the grooms.
Pepper: I'm three feet behind you.

Pepper: Oh, guys, guys, I can't let you do the cleanup all by yourselves. Ronaldo will help you.
Ronaldo: Of course. Where is Sal? I need her keys to start loading the gifts in her car.
Pepper: I think she's changing Sammy in our room.
Ronaldo: I hope she's also changing those drapes.

Ronaldo: We're not leaving without Felipe.
Cameron: Well, then, you're not leaving.
Pepper: Fine! [to Ronaldo] Did we settle on "Felipe"?

Mitchell: Cam's in a feud with Ronaldo's husband over what type of cracker belongs on a cheese platter.
Ronaldo: Water cracker. The cheese is the star. This isn't our fight.

Ronaldo: Hello, total strangers. [laughs] Welcome.
Mitchell: Thank you so much for doing this, Ronaldo.
Ronaldo: If anyone asks who you are, say you were looking for the Garth Brooks book signing. They'll believe you because of your clothes.

Ronaldo: [over headset] This is Ronaldo. Just pick it up, blow on it, and put it back on the tray.

Phil: [on the phone] Ronaldo. It's Phil Dunphy.
Ronaldo: Hello, Phil. I'm preparing a plate for a diva. Is everything okay?
Phil: Uh, actually, no. I lost my temper with Pepper when he told me he wanted to see more houses, and I've been calling to apologize, but...
Ronaldo: He's not picking up.
Phil: How did you know?
Ronaldo: It seemed the only possible conclusion to your sentence.
Phil: Oh.
Ronaldo: Phil, do you know the reason I stopped house hunting with Pepper?
Phil: Was it when that seller thought Pepper was your grandpa?
Ronaldo: He hasn't let me wear sunscreen since.

Ronaldo: Hola, lovebirds.
Haley: Oh, this is a disaster.
Ronaldo: I know, but we can't pick our childhood homes. Don't worry. I can fix everything. Just take your time changing your clothes.
Haley: Oh, this is what I'm wearing.
Ronaldo: You're hilarious.

Mitchell: I mean, why are we so obsessed with how we look?
Raymond: So people will have sex with us?
Ronaldo: But confidence is the sexiest thing. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? I'm sorry. Look at someone else.

Jotham: It's like he's never seen someone cry before.
Ronaldo: Just think of something sad. Like when a pet died, or when L'Michael was a seat filler at the Golden Globes and got to sit next to Nicole Kidman.
Ptolemy: Why him?!
Jotham: Ptolemy, you must get over that.