Mitchell: Oh, I was thinking about what you said yesterday, and you were right. We should be able to make our own decisions, you know?
Ronaldo: Ay, all I can say is, thank you again. Dane Edna, say hi to your foster daddies.
Cameron: Ronaldo, what's going on?
Mitchell: Oh, we're taking care of Dane Edna while Ronaldo takes Pepper to Asia for a medical procedure.
Cameron: Is everything okay?
Ronaldo: Oh, don't worry. Between us, he's getting a monkey chin in Laos.

Mitchell: Oh. Oh, and I'm sorry. I-I didn't ask you about this, but it's really important to me. And you said you'd support any decision I made.
Cameron: I'm not sure what you're doing, because you're being so subtle, but if you think a giant, slobbery dog is what this household needs, then color me gung ho.
Ronaldo: Here are her medicines. The ones wrapped in foil don't go in the mouth.
Mitchell: Okay.
Lily: [dog barks, takes food away from Lily] Ah.
Ronaldo: Ah, yeah. I'm so sorry. We've trained her to take carbs away from us.

Mitchell: Oh, Ronaldo's FaceTiming.
Ronaldo: [on FaceTime, nervously] Hey, guys. So, uh, listen. Oprah knows about the candy dish.
Mitchell: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ronaldo: There are cameras, Mitchell! You need to bring it back.
Cameron: Where are you?
Ronaldo: I'm still here at Oprah's, under my own free will. And I will probably stay here in this tower until she gets her dish back. It's quite meaningful. She stole it from [grunts] got it as a gift from Michelle Obama [computer beeps]

Peter Pan: Where my Lost Boys at?!
Cameron: What the hell is this?! You said you were at a kid's Peter Pan party?
Ronaldo: No, no, no. I said, "Kit's Peter Pan party." It's his 11th time turning 50.

Cameron: How horrible is this party?
Ronaldo: I'm a skinny little girl with twig arms. It's all anyone's talking about.

Mitchell: Oh! Hi, Ronaldo. What... Let me guess. Those are for Longinus?
Ronaldo: Oh, I would never get something this shabby for that judgy queen. No, my mom is in the hospital.

Mitchell: I mean, even though it's... it's not true about the divorce, it could be... you know, someday. And that just... that just makes me so, so... [breathes shakily]
Ptolemy: Confused?
Longinus: Angry?
Jotham: Furious.
Ronaldo: "The Fast and the Furious"!
Mitchell: Okay, this isn't charades.

Ronaldo: Hello, you two.
Claire: Hi.
Ronaldo: How about a little quiche?
Phil: Oh, how European. [kisses Ronaldo on the cheek] Mwah. Mwah.

Claire: [eating mini quiche] Oh, Ronaldo, what's your secret?
Ronaldo: Mm, Cam got offered that coaching job in Missouri, and Pepper got his eighth face lift.
Claire: What?!
Ronaldo: [sighs] I know. We don't buy soup anymore because he can't close his mouth all the way.
Phil: Cam! You got the job!
Claire: And you're moving.
Cameron: Damn it, Ronaldo. Apparently, Pepper's not the only one who can't keep his mouth closed. Go. Serve your little apps.

Mitchell: Wait, is that Ronaldo!
Ronaldo: Mitchell! What a surprise. And who is this? I always assumed I was your sexiest Latin friend. [Gloria laughs]
Mitchell: This is Gloria. Gloria, Ronaldo.
Gloria: Bolivian?
Ronaldo: Guatemalan. Venezuelan?
Gloria: Colombian.
Ronaldo: Mm-hmm.
Mitchell: Not sure what this is.