Gloria: [aside to camera] I know that this is going to sound crazy, but I have always worried that when Dede died, she was going to come back and haunt me. Maybe it's because she whispered it to me at my wedding.

Claire: Oh, God. Jerry forwarded me an e-mail from Mom's women's group. I-I-I can't even read it. You do it. I...
Phil: Oh, okay. Um..."Our sincere condolences on the loss of your loved one, Dede."
Claire: What happened to Mom?
Phil: Oh, let's see. "On the third night, Dede wandered away from the group and encountered a pack of starving timberwolves."
Mitchell: Oh my God.
Claire: Oh my God, Mom.
Phil: "As you know, Dede long believed she could comunicate with animals, so using a mix of howls and barks she convinced them to seek food elsewhere." Huh, guess that wasn't that. Let's see. "Later she ignored that thin ice sign and plunged..." Hang on, saved by one of the wolves. Uh... [MUMBLES] "She deeply offended a tribe of Inuits by interrupting a secret dagger..." "She was briefly swallowed by a whale..." Uh, here it is! "On the trip's final morning, Dede was found in her room. She had apparently passed peacefully in her sleep as a smile graced her face and her hands clutched ten pages of suggestions for the hotel staff."

Phil: You know, I'm impressed you're still wearing that dress.
Cameron: Oh, well, I'm wearing two pair of Spanx and was on a diuretic for hours. As we say where I'm from, you don't teach your dog to play the banjo and then skip the talent show.