Jay Quote #1283

Quote from Jay in Royal Visit

Jay: Relax, would ya? I'm just trying to get in shape.
Gloria: Okay, but hurry, because we have to go and pick up Joe at the birthday party. Wait a minute. Is that what this is all about Henry's father? I don't understand why you're so insecure just because he's younger, stronger, and more rugged than you are.
Jay: Go easy. I'm working on only one breakfast.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Joe won't shut up about his new friend's dad. "Henry's dad is so tough". Who cares? He was a stunt double in a couple of "Bourne" movies. From the first time Joe went over there, that guy's been trying to prove how cool he is.

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 ‘Royal Visit’ Quotes

Quote from Phil

Phil: [aside to camera] Haley's dating this genius astrophysics professor who's somehow making her smarter because, last week, I called Pluto a planet and Haley laughed at me. In pity. Haley.
Claire: Haley.
Phil: Haley.

Quote from Phil

Claire: Do we think that Haley is suited to a professor, because I more saw her with a Gilligan type?
Phil: Come on, now. Lots of happy couples aren't the exact same level of smart.
Claire: That's true. We work.
Phil: Yeah. Wait. When you say, "We work," do you think you're smarter than me or I'm smarter than you?
Claire: I think I'm smart enough not to have this conversation.
Phil: Oh, my God! You do! You think you're smarter than me! Okay, hotshot. How many patents do you have? Headscratcher TM, Aspirin Gun, Polite Car Horn that'll put an end to road rage. [high-pitched] Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Wow. Henry's dad did such a great job with the birthday party for the kids, huh? "Henry's dad".
Jay: "Henry's dad". I took Joe to see "African Queen" in CinemaScope.